*Gasp*
Back from a break that was half choice, half necessity...
Regardless, it's difficult to begin from here, but I'll try my best and accept it in whatever shape it comes.
Important points of the past month:
1. Completion of Yoga Training (resulting in a successful acquisition of instructor certification :))
2. Thanksgiving trip to Santa Fe that was healing on tangible and intangible levels, helping me to realize how far I've strayed from myself and my heart
3. Return to So Cal with internal promises to tend to my mental and physical and emotional well being
No need to get into details here-- they will come up as needed. Only thing to say is that I am realizing consciously, and accepting, the difficulty that this move has presented to me and just how incongruous some of its features and rhythms are with that which makes me thrive. All that I have, with the best intentions, been trying to do to reshape it, to fill it, to enhance it...have perhaps worked to a degree, but more importantly they have only numbed me to my frustration, to the holes rather than serving as real sustenance. I am now resurfacing, reevaluating, and hoping to rebuild with integrity to who I am (needing constant reminding of who that person is). It feels a little like an identity crisis, albeit an unconscious one-- nothing with which I have come to identify myself has followed me here...no English teaching, no hiking, no "academic" community, real community to speak of-- I have just been feeling disconnected in this strange new world. Moving forward, and simultaneously coming back to the core-- that's what I'm now doing.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
nEW WEEk, NEw NovEmbEr: chance to press "rEstArt"
This idea of the first of each new month emphatically inviting the conscious possibility for change was the theme of my noon yoga class yesterday, and it certainly resonates. While, as Keeley (our fabulous and inspiring instructor) reminded us, each BREATH we take holds in it this possibility, I think it's easier to look at these larger milestones of months, years-- and use them as the impetus to shift something that it not sitting right, whether that element of our lives is large or small. Of course, we can all always think of a million things in our lives that are not exactly as we might ideally like them to be-- we wish for this, and we say we'll change that; but how many times does this discontent translate into action? Most of the time, the moves toward changing something that is making us less than joyful are simple ones-- perhaps we know them-- but each and every one of those actions needs to come from the person wanting the change, not from some outside force. These new months and their potential reinforce the reality that we hold the power to shape our worlds and our own happiness.
So here we go, diving into a month my experience of which has always been positive, if slightly chaotic, packed full as it is with holiday festivities and travels, ends and beginnings of sports seasons, exams in some cases, and a true movement in seasonal dynamics-- when the golden fall becomes the blustery gray...I love the brilliance and the bluster equally, and have felt a bit of a hole in me this year in missing any dramatic season change. I am ECSTATICALLY excited about my Thanksgiving visit to Santa Fe-- I dreamed last night (in addition to a terrifying nightmare in which I walked into an enormous yoga class-- hundreds and hundreds of people-- and was to my horror brought up to the front to restore order to this chaos and teach something I didn't know) about climbing Atalaya in the pre-dawn; I love that I've done this so many times that it has become a beautiful meditation-- I know each step of the ways up and down and even now I can take the journey in my mind: the various obstacles, the specific landmarks of this pine or this boulder, the distinct scents along the way, the changes in temperature, the way in which I've, in my head, broken up the trek into four pieces-- each with its own challenges. But soon, sooner than soon, I'll be able to experience it...The trip will be a much needed one-- a reconnection with a year and place and a community that gave me so much. Three weeks!
But until then-- nearly a whole month's worth of living to be done! The wrap-up of October brought with it excitement and stress-- Alex's weeks at the rifle range, marked by 3:30am departures and early, early bedtimes for one of us, early mornings and late nights for the other; extra work at school as I scrambled to cover classes for ailing colleagues, too many meetings, sports practices, tutoring sessions, yoga yoga yoga, shopping for a dress for the Marine Ball next week, LIFE. The next three weeks WILL be even more of a whirlwind: the last sessions of yoga training are upon me-- I'm feeling great about it, really, but a little nervous for the exams on the 14th and 15th; DAD'S VISIT this week/end in the midst of craziness at school with the child study and accreditation work we're doing in Faculty Meeting, the Marine Ball, training, school... BUT I'M SO EXCITED TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM!; the final weeks leading up to the holiday and all of the fluster around this....I'm breathing. I promise. :) My goals for this month: FLEXIBILITY and PATIENCE. More simply said than done, of course, but things to keep humming in the back of my mind.
The time change was welcome. It's beautiful to rise in the pre-dawn glow rather than in complete darkness just as it will bring a positive rhythm, I think, to have the sun close the day "earlier." As I sit at the kitchen table now, finishing these thoughts, I am looking over a sunshine soaked San Clemente-- it glows in this blue-skied morning. I will scamper down to the beach for an invigorating run along the water and then make my way to a delicious yoga class before heading to school for the day--a day in which all of the chaos around teacher absences has given me the 5th Grade to blend with both my 8th and 1st Grade classes! I'm so intrigued to see the dynamics of these interactions at play and will recount them. I'm subbing for the high school PE teacher this afternoon and these kids are in for a rude awakening... :)
November will be a month of surrendering to the things I cannot change or must do, of enjoying-- of finding the positive in each person or experience, and most importantly of expressing each emotion-- gratitude, sympathy, joy, respect-- through action, because with this new month, and with each new breath, change is my possibility....
So here we go, diving into a month my experience of which has always been positive, if slightly chaotic, packed full as it is with holiday festivities and travels, ends and beginnings of sports seasons, exams in some cases, and a true movement in seasonal dynamics-- when the golden fall becomes the blustery gray...I love the brilliance and the bluster equally, and have felt a bit of a hole in me this year in missing any dramatic season change. I am ECSTATICALLY excited about my Thanksgiving visit to Santa Fe-- I dreamed last night (in addition to a terrifying nightmare in which I walked into an enormous yoga class-- hundreds and hundreds of people-- and was to my horror brought up to the front to restore order to this chaos and teach something I didn't know) about climbing Atalaya in the pre-dawn; I love that I've done this so many times that it has become a beautiful meditation-- I know each step of the ways up and down and even now I can take the journey in my mind: the various obstacles, the specific landmarks of this pine or this boulder, the distinct scents along the way, the changes in temperature, the way in which I've, in my head, broken up the trek into four pieces-- each with its own challenges. But soon, sooner than soon, I'll be able to experience it...The trip will be a much needed one-- a reconnection with a year and place and a community that gave me so much. Three weeks!
But until then-- nearly a whole month's worth of living to be done! The wrap-up of October brought with it excitement and stress-- Alex's weeks at the rifle range, marked by 3:30am departures and early, early bedtimes for one of us, early mornings and late nights for the other; extra work at school as I scrambled to cover classes for ailing colleagues, too many meetings, sports practices, tutoring sessions, yoga yoga yoga, shopping for a dress for the Marine Ball next week, LIFE. The next three weeks WILL be even more of a whirlwind: the last sessions of yoga training are upon me-- I'm feeling great about it, really, but a little nervous for the exams on the 14th and 15th; DAD'S VISIT this week/end in the midst of craziness at school with the child study and accreditation work we're doing in Faculty Meeting, the Marine Ball, training, school... BUT I'M SO EXCITED TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM!; the final weeks leading up to the holiday and all of the fluster around this....I'm breathing. I promise. :) My goals for this month: FLEXIBILITY and PATIENCE. More simply said than done, of course, but things to keep humming in the back of my mind.
The time change was welcome. It's beautiful to rise in the pre-dawn glow rather than in complete darkness just as it will bring a positive rhythm, I think, to have the sun close the day "earlier." As I sit at the kitchen table now, finishing these thoughts, I am looking over a sunshine soaked San Clemente-- it glows in this blue-skied morning. I will scamper down to the beach for an invigorating run along the water and then make my way to a delicious yoga class before heading to school for the day--a day in which all of the chaos around teacher absences has given me the 5th Grade to blend with both my 8th and 1st Grade classes! I'm so intrigued to see the dynamics of these interactions at play and will recount them. I'm subbing for the high school PE teacher this afternoon and these kids are in for a rude awakening... :)
November will be a month of surrendering to the things I cannot change or must do, of enjoying-- of finding the positive in each person or experience, and most importantly of expressing each emotion-- gratitude, sympathy, joy, respect-- through action, because with this new month, and with each new breath, change is my possibility....
Friday, October 23, 2009
sChooL dAys, siCk dAys-- in SWINE FLU SEASON...
Swine Flu. It's the virus on every one's lips-- literally to a frightening degree. If you've been even casually keeping up with the national news, you'll know that California is facing something verging on a crisis, especially within the schools, in the area. Though many cases of sickness in schools haven't been confirmed necessarily as the virus itself, the number of students (and TEACHERS) absent, even at our little school-- is astronomical! Further, half of the second graders who actually were there today(about a third of the class was absent) felt ill and queasy and feverish...I hadn't really begun to freak out at all about it-- in spite of many teacher absences and many more student ones-- until today, but it's getting to be too difficult to ignore. I note went home to the parents and out through the community list-serve telling everyone to "take precautions and remain calm." I am hoping it blows over quickly before it creeps into my body-- cannot afford to be sick right now, besides the fact that I, as you all know probably, hate being nauseous and vomiting more than pretty much anything...Keep your fingers crossed for the piggies to move on...
Apart from the bout of illness this week, school was relatively uneventful and flew by quickly. I can hardly believe how the days dissolve! I find some dimension of delight in each of them, some stress to breathe through, some challenge, some disappointment, but overall a sense of flow and purpose and peace. I have rhythms with my classes and am enjoying working with them although it feels not quite as much like "work" as I sometimes might like-- I know that this sounds a little crazy, and I'm not quite sure how to articulate it but I guess sometimes I would like to feel as though what I was doing with these kids in our two-times fifty minutes with one another each week was something lasting-- not that they won't take our experiences with them and not that what I'm doing with them I'm not putting thought and effort and heart and vigor into-- but they are probably, at least some of them, teaching me how to play more than I teach them-- they remind about how we all used to experience the world through spontaneous movement free from fear or pain and through imagination (at least the little ones do)...and interestingly enough, it is from the younger students that I relearn this each day and am able to bring it to my older students who are starting to forget. So this is important I suppose. But I think they learn just as much on the playground during recesses as they do from me often-- it's all about providing the space in which this can happen I guess, and less about me-- in English, it was more about a transfer of knowledge to a degree. Why do I crave this? Well, at least I am getting it in doses through tutoring, and when I teach new skills in Games. But more importantly, perhaps, I am learning to let go of this need, at least to loosen my grip on it and to just enjoy the world around me and my position in it with integrity and spirit, and simply model this for my students. These days in the sun are doing wonders for me, and my challenges in meeting the needs of my wide range of kids are teaching me a flexibility and creativity of which I might not have thought myself capable.
I am grateful for the weekend, in spite of the fact that Alex will be away. I will be immersed in training-- which will, and has continued, to be wonderful and inspiring and so damn hard. Three more weeks until its conclusion-- so hard to believe! Most excitingly-- DARYA IS VISITING from Sunday into Monday and coming into my classes on Monday to talk about IMPACT and do some demos...
Apart from the bout of illness this week, school was relatively uneventful and flew by quickly. I can hardly believe how the days dissolve! I find some dimension of delight in each of them, some stress to breathe through, some challenge, some disappointment, but overall a sense of flow and purpose and peace. I have rhythms with my classes and am enjoying working with them although it feels not quite as much like "work" as I sometimes might like-- I know that this sounds a little crazy, and I'm not quite sure how to articulate it but I guess sometimes I would like to feel as though what I was doing with these kids in our two-times fifty minutes with one another each week was something lasting-- not that they won't take our experiences with them and not that what I'm doing with them I'm not putting thought and effort and heart and vigor into-- but they are probably, at least some of them, teaching me how to play more than I teach them-- they remind about how we all used to experience the world through spontaneous movement free from fear or pain and through imagination (at least the little ones do)...and interestingly enough, it is from the younger students that I relearn this each day and am able to bring it to my older students who are starting to forget. So this is important I suppose. But I think they learn just as much on the playground during recesses as they do from me often-- it's all about providing the space in which this can happen I guess, and less about me-- in English, it was more about a transfer of knowledge to a degree. Why do I crave this? Well, at least I am getting it in doses through tutoring, and when I teach new skills in Games. But more importantly, perhaps, I am learning to let go of this need, at least to loosen my grip on it and to just enjoy the world around me and my position in it with integrity and spirit, and simply model this for my students. These days in the sun are doing wonders for me, and my challenges in meeting the needs of my wide range of kids are teaching me a flexibility and creativity of which I might not have thought myself capable.
I am grateful for the weekend, in spite of the fact that Alex will be away. I will be immersed in training-- which will, and has continued, to be wonderful and inspiring and so damn hard. Three more weeks until its conclusion-- so hard to believe! Most excitingly-- DARYA IS VISITING from Sunday into Monday and coming into my classes on Monday to talk about IMPACT and do some demos...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
AYRUVEDA, etc.
So in this post, I'll concentrate on Item b) on the agenda I set for myself last time...Saving a) for sometime...
This weekend, our training cohort went up to the studio in Huntington Beach to take an amazing intermediate/advanced class and then a workshop on Ayurveda both with this phenomenal and inspiring woman named Heather. It was eye-opening and heart-opening in so many ways-- I had all kinds of epiphanies and incredibly simple yet profound revelations about the relationships among habit and mind and diet and movement and interaction and drive in any given person. Upon coming into the class, I had taken a test to determine which "dosha" was most dominant in my own mental, emotional, and physical make-up-- doshas basically are "types" by which people are categorized and there are three-- Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. Each is associated with various characteristics that correspond to the various chakras as well as to elements, season, scents, flavors, and areas of the physical body. My test proved me to be at this moment a Vata in body, largely, but more Pitta in personality and mentality. I thought before going to the session that this was a little hokey, even though a lot of what the test said resonated with me, but after Heather described these in details and took us through the rationale behind their very existence in the philosophy, I was hooked, convinced, and totally fascinated. I still think they are, inevitably, a bit reductive-- however, that's only if one chooses to look at them this way. I'm going to post the quiz here so you can all try it out if you want to: http://doshaquiz.chopra.com/
See if it seems to work for you-- then see what you think about its diagnosis of me ;) Vata-Pitta (more Vata body, Pitta mind; though it changes daily and recently, I've been much more Pitta-ish; today's test proved this)
If you take it and find that you have an imbalance in some area, let me know and I can give you some recs for rituals to take on and small changes to make in order to even things out, harmonize them. I'm in the process of instituting some new things in my own day to day life and I am seeing results, feeling them really. It's pretty incredible stuff actually-- so brilliantly simple and complex a system simultaneously...I am hooked; wanting to go more deeply into studying this. What's really fascinating too is to apply it to yoga-- looking at want poses support balancing out the doshas, what poses a particular person perhaps should or shouldn't do-- and also, learning how to recognize a particular dosha-type when s/he walks into one's yoga (or any) classroom...and how to help that person accordingly in specific postures...
Writing this is difficult because I feel like there is just so much share and digest-- but I guess this will just serve as a taste of what I'm experiencing and as an explanation of why I am eating more hearty, rooty, warm, grounding foods; why I am meditating formally twice a day, why I'm using sesame oil on my skin as a delicious toner and why I am using spicy aromatherapy and essential oils; why I am doing these wacky "kriyas" during the day--small exercises that target specific chakras to open them up...We shall see what happens :) At the worst, I'll just smell good and glow and be super relaxed...
This weekend, our training cohort went up to the studio in Huntington Beach to take an amazing intermediate/advanced class and then a workshop on Ayurveda both with this phenomenal and inspiring woman named Heather. It was eye-opening and heart-opening in so many ways-- I had all kinds of epiphanies and incredibly simple yet profound revelations about the relationships among habit and mind and diet and movement and interaction and drive in any given person. Upon coming into the class, I had taken a test to determine which "dosha" was most dominant in my own mental, emotional, and physical make-up-- doshas basically are "types" by which people are categorized and there are three-- Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. Each is associated with various characteristics that correspond to the various chakras as well as to elements, season, scents, flavors, and areas of the physical body. My test proved me to be at this moment a Vata in body, largely, but more Pitta in personality and mentality. I thought before going to the session that this was a little hokey, even though a lot of what the test said resonated with me, but after Heather described these in details and took us through the rationale behind their very existence in the philosophy, I was hooked, convinced, and totally fascinated. I still think they are, inevitably, a bit reductive-- however, that's only if one chooses to look at them this way. I'm going to post the quiz here so you can all try it out if you want to: http://doshaquiz.chopra.com/
See if it seems to work for you-- then see what you think about its diagnosis of me ;) Vata-Pitta (more Vata body, Pitta mind; though it changes daily and recently, I've been much more Pitta-ish; today's test proved this)
If you take it and find that you have an imbalance in some area, let me know and I can give you some recs for rituals to take on and small changes to make in order to even things out, harmonize them. I'm in the process of instituting some new things in my own day to day life and I am seeing results, feeling them really. It's pretty incredible stuff actually-- so brilliantly simple and complex a system simultaneously...I am hooked; wanting to go more deeply into studying this. What's really fascinating too is to apply it to yoga-- looking at want poses support balancing out the doshas, what poses a particular person perhaps should or shouldn't do-- and also, learning how to recognize a particular dosha-type when s/he walks into one's yoga (or any) classroom...and how to help that person accordingly in specific postures...
Writing this is difficult because I feel like there is just so much share and digest-- but I guess this will just serve as a taste of what I'm experiencing and as an explanation of why I am eating more hearty, rooty, warm, grounding foods; why I am meditating formally twice a day, why I'm using sesame oil on my skin as a delicious toner and why I am using spicy aromatherapy and essential oils; why I am doing these wacky "kriyas" during the day--small exercises that target specific chakras to open them up...We shall see what happens :) At the worst, I'll just smell good and glow and be super relaxed...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
oh what a week!
My last post was just brief enough to convey, I think, the little bit of overwhelmedness (a word now) and trepidation that I felt toward the enterprise of taking on this two hour class in addition to my own classes and other responsibilities this week. But also, I hope that the excitement that I felt around it shone through in that short announcement as well, because really, it was such such such a joy to get back into the English classroom again. I won't go on at too much length here about the details of the class itself except to say that it was with the 9th Grade-- a whole class year of only FIVE people (three girls, two guys); it fell under the umbrella of the "Comedy and Tragedy" Block that happens in High School Humanities in Waldorf and I took up the thread at the start of their study of Shakespeare's Elizabethan comedy A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. And what a blast!
I am in the midst of prepping for another big day tomorrow, one, though, that is dynamic enough, varied enough, to be the fodder of inspiration. Anticipate a long entry tomorrow-- focusing on a) teaching English vs. Games and my perspective thus far and b) AYURVEDA! My workshops this weekend through training were AMAZING and I'm so excited to share what I've learned.
I am in the midst of prepping for another big day tomorrow, one, though, that is dynamic enough, varied enough, to be the fodder of inspiration. Anticipate a long entry tomorrow-- focusing on a) teaching English vs. Games and my perspective thus far and b) AYURVEDA! My workshops this weekend through training were AMAZING and I'm so excited to share what I've learned.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
News Flash
Quickly:
Teaching English to the 9th Grade all week! Crazy development-- and a crazy schedule. Lots to update. Soon.
Teaching English to the 9th Grade all week! Crazy development-- and a crazy schedule. Lots to update. Soon.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Catch-Up
Happy Monday, everyone!
Goodness! So much to unpack from the weekend and today-- funny how my week days rather than my weekends have shaped themselves into the time when I can think and write and unwind a bit. Thursday's post encapsulated and froze fairly articulately the dominant feeling that has revealed itself to be the underbelly of the brilliance and inspiration and fun that I'm feeling in my life right now...and I think it is so crucial to include this so that there is no misconception about the rhythm of my days and the thoughts and actions that occupy them-- no, not everything is easy, and no, I am not always living with perfect integrity and grace and patience. I'm sure Alex and my students could attest to this! ;) But I'm breathing into it and constantly readjusting...
Friday was a long day-- but full in an uplifting way, especially because Alex finished a rough week too and we could really just exhale. Four classes, tutoring, yoga and running, plus snuggle TV time made for a positive pause. Saturday it was full-speed again-- up to Huntington Beach from 10:30 to 6:15, with two yoga classes-- one really amazing; an advanced level heated Vinyasa with an instructor who had a voice and an energy-- a presence-- that made one feel that one, in spite of the crowded room, was the only person to whom she was speaking...It was simultaneously the longer and shortest 75 minutes I've experienced in a long, long time-- the most I've been present possibly ever-- at least until our guided meditation on Sunday...Anyway, it was mind-blowing in the best way. This second class was followed by chanting and a lecture on the koshas and other "yogi theory" and history, specifically as related to the Bandhas...These are the locks that exist in our bodies through which vital energy releases-- in yoga, ideally in all of life, we engage these locks as a means of controlling and utilizing that energy most effectively on all levels of being. The most noteworthy of the bandhas are 1) the mula bandha (basically, the lock on our pelvic floor-- the "pee stop") 2) the uttiyana bandha (essentially the core; located just below the navel) and 3) the jalandhara bandha (located in the throat). By engaging these areas, these locks-- yoga apparently becomes easy as does life (;) hehe)-- so we took the time to explore this idea in depth in an hour long session led by Jen (my instructor) on inversions. Now, I must admit that, secretly, honestly, one of the major reasons I was even compelled to do this training was because I wanted to learn, for real and once and for all, to do these awesome inversion poses-- to strengthen my muscles and deepen my confidence and trust so much that I can, upon graduation, do things like handstand and Peacock and Squirel and be able to really PLAY in this exciting contortionistic way...I've definitely made incredible progress-- and have the Crow Pose bruises to prove it-- but there is SO much further to go...So this portion of training was a highlight and a challenge. We ended the session with a breaking down of the Chakras-- SO FASCINATING! We took self-evaluations to determine our balances in each-- I found that the Chakra to which I am most atuned, both for better and for worse, is the Third (located in the Core and YELLOW in color)-- look it up and see if this fits with who you know as me ;)! More on this at some other point-- basically, such cool stuff...
The day wasn't yet over though after the training in HB-- I had to make my way down to Irvine for a fundraising event for school-- Silent and Live Auctions, dinner and dancing at a GORGEOUS golf course so enchantingly decorated in the spirit and splendor of autumn harvest-- almost New Englandly so! I, in spite of my exhausting and my solo status ( I couldn't ask Alex to pay the $95 price tag for a ticket, especially when I thought it was going to be incredibly boring-- had a nice time, especially we chatting with parents and my colleagues, and loved, too, being able to show my face wearing something other than my "Games Teacher"clothing...Getting home, though, I crashed once more-- luckily having Alex to catch me and put me to bed...
To get up and do it all over again on Sunday! Tutoring at 8:30 am after a run on the beach; breakfast out with A. and then to Aliso V. for more class and training. The class was fabulous and the meditation (guided) that we did during training was phenomenal-- I've never before been able to sit still for 40 minutes, let alone reach any sort of meditative state really, but here, I achieved a shadow of it... And how awesome it was!
Speeding on to today-- because I am feeling the pull of the present and wanting to be there rather than here-- knowing I need to honor that-- I had a FANTASTIC experience of getting to sub for the High School English teacher at school! 9th Graders starting A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM-- I soared through this so joyfully, I surprised myself at just how much I MISS teaching this discipline-- God, my body was physically craving it-- but now that I've gotten my fix, will I be satisfied or just need more??? Yikes.
The chaos of the day came from 4th Grade who took advantage of the sprinkler system going off in the middle of class on the field and got TOTALLY soaked-- much to the chagrin of me and their next teacher, particularly as it was not exactly a sunny or particularly WARM day (actually getting chilly here!) Just hope that the changes of shirts I got them warded off any colds....
Last note: Basketball had begun, as has Tennis-- still trying to get swimming set up for grades 6, 7 and 8...Keep you posted.
Love to you all-- namaste and good night.
Goodness! So much to unpack from the weekend and today-- funny how my week days rather than my weekends have shaped themselves into the time when I can think and write and unwind a bit. Thursday's post encapsulated and froze fairly articulately the dominant feeling that has revealed itself to be the underbelly of the brilliance and inspiration and fun that I'm feeling in my life right now...and I think it is so crucial to include this so that there is no misconception about the rhythm of my days and the thoughts and actions that occupy them-- no, not everything is easy, and no, I am not always living with perfect integrity and grace and patience. I'm sure Alex and my students could attest to this! ;) But I'm breathing into it and constantly readjusting...
Friday was a long day-- but full in an uplifting way, especially because Alex finished a rough week too and we could really just exhale. Four classes, tutoring, yoga and running, plus snuggle TV time made for a positive pause. Saturday it was full-speed again-- up to Huntington Beach from 10:30 to 6:15, with two yoga classes-- one really amazing; an advanced level heated Vinyasa with an instructor who had a voice and an energy-- a presence-- that made one feel that one, in spite of the crowded room, was the only person to whom she was speaking...It was simultaneously the longer and shortest 75 minutes I've experienced in a long, long time-- the most I've been present possibly ever-- at least until our guided meditation on Sunday...Anyway, it was mind-blowing in the best way. This second class was followed by chanting and a lecture on the koshas and other "yogi theory" and history, specifically as related to the Bandhas...These are the locks that exist in our bodies through which vital energy releases-- in yoga, ideally in all of life, we engage these locks as a means of controlling and utilizing that energy most effectively on all levels of being. The most noteworthy of the bandhas are 1) the mula bandha (basically, the lock on our pelvic floor-- the "pee stop") 2) the uttiyana bandha (essentially the core; located just below the navel) and 3) the jalandhara bandha (located in the throat). By engaging these areas, these locks-- yoga apparently becomes easy as does life (;) hehe)-- so we took the time to explore this idea in depth in an hour long session led by Jen (my instructor) on inversions. Now, I must admit that, secretly, honestly, one of the major reasons I was even compelled to do this training was because I wanted to learn, for real and once and for all, to do these awesome inversion poses-- to strengthen my muscles and deepen my confidence and trust so much that I can, upon graduation, do things like handstand and Peacock and Squirel and be able to really PLAY in this exciting contortionistic way...I've definitely made incredible progress-- and have the Crow Pose bruises to prove it-- but there is SO much further to go...So this portion of training was a highlight and a challenge. We ended the session with a breaking down of the Chakras-- SO FASCINATING! We took self-evaluations to determine our balances in each-- I found that the Chakra to which I am most atuned, both for better and for worse, is the Third (located in the Core and YELLOW in color)-- look it up and see if this fits with who you know as me ;)! More on this at some other point-- basically, such cool stuff...
The day wasn't yet over though after the training in HB-- I had to make my way down to Irvine for a fundraising event for school-- Silent and Live Auctions, dinner and dancing at a GORGEOUS golf course so enchantingly decorated in the spirit and splendor of autumn harvest-- almost New Englandly so! I, in spite of my exhausting and my solo status ( I couldn't ask Alex to pay the $95 price tag for a ticket, especially when I thought it was going to be incredibly boring-- had a nice time, especially we chatting with parents and my colleagues, and loved, too, being able to show my face wearing something other than my "Games Teacher"clothing...Getting home, though, I crashed once more-- luckily having Alex to catch me and put me to bed...
To get up and do it all over again on Sunday! Tutoring at 8:30 am after a run on the beach; breakfast out with A. and then to Aliso V. for more class and training. The class was fabulous and the meditation (guided) that we did during training was phenomenal-- I've never before been able to sit still for 40 minutes, let alone reach any sort of meditative state really, but here, I achieved a shadow of it... And how awesome it was!
Speeding on to today-- because I am feeling the pull of the present and wanting to be there rather than here-- knowing I need to honor that-- I had a FANTASTIC experience of getting to sub for the High School English teacher at school! 9th Graders starting A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM-- I soared through this so joyfully, I surprised myself at just how much I MISS teaching this discipline-- God, my body was physically craving it-- but now that I've gotten my fix, will I be satisfied or just need more??? Yikes.
The chaos of the day came from 4th Grade who took advantage of the sprinkler system going off in the middle of class on the field and got TOTALLY soaked-- much to the chagrin of me and their next teacher, particularly as it was not exactly a sunny or particularly WARM day (actually getting chilly here!) Just hope that the changes of shirts I got them warded off any colds....
Last note: Basketball had begun, as has Tennis-- still trying to get swimming set up for grades 6, 7 and 8...Keep you posted.
Love to you all-- namaste and good night.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A wall. I hit one yesterday that, while perhaps I should have, I didn't expect to. I was riding this golden wave of exhilarating awakeness and unfailing energy...just long enough to forget that I am in fact human and need things like rest, maybe a break? Ha. ;) Well, taking four classes in one day (two of them Sculpt), plus training with mock teaching, AND my classes with a Roman MARCH to the beach for swimming and frolicking with the 6th Grade; in addition, I also attended my first meeting as a member of the therapy/intervention group at the school (about which I'm SO excited and will share more); -- ALL OF THIS (which I've put into one sentence to emphasize the long-windedness of the whole *whew* day--was finally enough to exhaust me to the point that when I arrived home at 11pm after being awake from 5:45am, I couldn't even crash...Today, I awoke early but with an enormous headache and was worn down enough to yield when Alex insisted I take a rest day (though I did go for a swim in the ocean that is actually slightly warmer than the air outside-- plus workout with my kiddies)...And it was the best idea ever-- challenging but so good; great to step back from the studio too for a day...
My Thursdays are typically my breath-catching day anyway; I have only two classes back to back in the morning and then the afternoon class periods I use to organize, plan, read, run, relax-- before going to the various faculty meetings that take me to 5pm and ridiculous traffic on the way home (the perfect opportunity for me to practice my breathing and patience and surrender into being present, and joyful in that present-----grrrrrrrrrrrr.....:) Today gave me that a bit-- 3rd and 6th Grades, in which play takes center stage, were entertaining and went forward without huge consequence or catastrophe...Lunch duty on the playground provided me with the opportunity to repair palm frond forts with a brilliantly astute, wide-eyed, curly red-haired First Grader who, with the greatest conviction in his expertise, demonstrated for me the physics of foundation construction (with a little help from my slightly larger muscles and greater height ;)). This, and starting the new David Sedaris and cleaning the kitchen, were indisputably the high lights of my day, though the wittiest comment of this Thursday came at the faculty meeting when a brilliant and incredibly dedicated teacher, who has had a back injury and has been nursing it by spending a little more time at home (where she can be "horizontal" as she said), shared with us that she now (so wonderfully!) has a new man in her life. One of our colleagues jumped on the obvious connection with perfect punch-line timing: "Is that because you've been horizontal?" I was dying; even thinking about it now I chuckle. Maybe you had to be there, but it is really pretty darn funny.
So now there is Friday to soar through. I am eager to bite into it and enjoy it fully! Four classes, recess duty, tutoring, some yoga practice, running, and a beach cook-out by my talented roomie :) in the moonlight. Life is good.
My Thursdays are typically my breath-catching day anyway; I have only two classes back to back in the morning and then the afternoon class periods I use to organize, plan, read, run, relax-- before going to the various faculty meetings that take me to 5pm and ridiculous traffic on the way home (the perfect opportunity for me to practice my breathing and patience and surrender into being present, and joyful in that present-----grrrrrrrrrrrr.....:) Today gave me that a bit-- 3rd and 6th Grades, in which play takes center stage, were entertaining and went forward without huge consequence or catastrophe...Lunch duty on the playground provided me with the opportunity to repair palm frond forts with a brilliantly astute, wide-eyed, curly red-haired First Grader who, with the greatest conviction in his expertise, demonstrated for me the physics of foundation construction (with a little help from my slightly larger muscles and greater height ;)). This, and starting the new David Sedaris and cleaning the kitchen, were indisputably the high lights of my day, though the wittiest comment of this Thursday came at the faculty meeting when a brilliant and incredibly dedicated teacher, who has had a back injury and has been nursing it by spending a little more time at home (where she can be "horizontal" as she said), shared with us that she now (so wonderfully!) has a new man in her life. One of our colleagues jumped on the obvious connection with perfect punch-line timing: "Is that because you've been horizontal?" I was dying; even thinking about it now I chuckle. Maybe you had to be there, but it is really pretty darn funny.
So now there is Friday to soar through. I am eager to bite into it and enjoy it fully! Four classes, recess duty, tutoring, some yoga practice, running, and a beach cook-out by my talented roomie :) in the moonlight. Life is good.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My Question of the Day, and looking forward...
I suppose it's not so much a question as it is a challenge for me right now...but how does one organize and engage an army of 1st through 3rd, even 4th, grade students with any kind of efficiency? 3rd was relatively focused today, and 5th Grade as usual was pretty dreamy (we did some challenging yoga poses they enjoyed and managed quite well!) but 4th was a logistical aggravation because of their constant need to tattle on one another, to push and shove, to be first, to have things their way or no way, to be the center of attention (while their 24+ classmates are also vying for the spot...). One can't even issue instructions! They were fantastic yesterday-- we did some relays and I guess always keeping it fresh for them and having them constantly moving with things that aren't incredibly complicated is the answer but today they fell apart with similar simplicity. It's an interesting group. I took them in early and we had a serious behavioral conversation..We'll see if things change.
7th Grade stuff was so much improved yesterday-- but we'll see if this last through tomorrow's lesson. I have some lovely CrossFit kids stuff planned for them :). And also tomorrow! My Roman march to the beach with Grade 6! Cannot wait to share this experience.
Yoga training also continues tomorrow...
*Whew*
7th Grade stuff was so much improved yesterday-- but we'll see if this last through tomorrow's lesson. I have some lovely CrossFit kids stuff planned for them :). And also tomorrow! My Roman march to the beach with Grade 6! Cannot wait to share this experience.
Yoga training also continues tomorrow...
*Whew*
Sunday, October 4, 2009
be here NOW
I'm finding myself in an interesting place-- one in which I think I've always craved to be yet never really come close to reaching. It's a state of being so immersed in living the now that I have had little time for reflection...Or I guess that's not actually correct because I have been reflective and awake, but I've noticed that I haven't been trapped in my usual compulsion to over analyze and doubt and hide and fear quite as much as in these past years. I've been consciously working toward BEING wherever it is that I am in a moment, and I can feel myself, on most days, coming closer to making this a reality. I know that yoga and my training has been helping this-- the reading that I've been doing along side it as well. But just as importantly have my daily interactions with my students, my deepening connections with my colleagues, my new experience of sharing a home with someone not in my family-- inspired, and continually inspire me toward approaching life with honesty, joy, fearlessness, openness, flexibility, and intention. I'm finally realizing and utilizing the truth that the quality of everything, the good or bad of it, is in the manner in which I CHOOSE to perceive and approach and meet it...And I am trying to make this an embrace, buoyant and curious and full of gratitude and love for all that experience can teach me, can help me to grow into my most authentic self.
There are many reasons behind this meditation here-- it has come out of conversations with my fellow teachers in training and out of my own revelations over simply beauties and dynamics and rhythms in my daily life-- but the purpose of my inclusion of it here is mainly to explain to a degree the lapse in my entries...That these last days have been lived fully and not chronicled here and that I have decided not to beat myself up for that-- not to violate "Ahimsa" (the code of Non-Violence in yoga teachings) in regard to my treatment of myself-- but rather to accept this happily! This blog is shaping itself into something that is maybe not a direct report of the everyday madness of things but another type of forum a little less dictated by days; driven by a different beat. So I'll catch up with what has stuck, and what is moving forward with me into tomorrow.
The last two days of the past week were successful school-wise on many levels. I am feeling much more confident in my position and am a little bit in love with every class right now, except for Grade Seven, which has its own issues...They're dealing in a very ugly manner with their transition into adolescence: struggling with social expectations, insecurities, accepting authority, respect toward themselves and others...They are whiny, contrary and lazy-- they talk back and slack off and are generally sour and often infuriating to deal with. At least, though, I know it is not just me. ALL of the teachers have been experiencing this with the group, and some much more severely than me and we are having a meeting with all of the instructors to address our common concerns and problems this week. Basically, though, tomorrow they will not be happy campers. Their workout will be a boot camp of its own and they won't mess with Ms. Nelson's authority again...Dun Dun Dun. ;) Apart from Grade Seven though, like I mentioned, I am really finding such satisfaction and enjoyment in working with my students (and I know that the Seventh Graders will come around-- individually, they're delightful). The spirit of play that I have the freedom to bring to my classes is infectious and even the more rigorous exercises and challenges take on an air of real fun with our collective enthusiasm. Highlights of the week included tumbling with Grade Two and "Mother May I" with Grade One, relay races with Grade Three, and "Capture the Flag" and "Hide and Seek Tag" out on the Bluffs (our crazy wilderness desert area beside the school) with Grades Five, Six, and Eight (Seven was totally lame out there and have lost their privilege to use the space). Another favorite thing of mine this week was having the Sixth Graders get into four groups and draw up their own obstacles courses. They had to incorporate exercises and activities that met a set of particular criteria (at least one running/jumping, one core, one arms, etc.) but beyond that had complete freedom-- and what fantastic courses they devised! Most incredible though was to see the enthusiasm with which they worked to create these...They were focused intently on their task and worked excellently in cooperation with one another. So cute too when they had to lead all of us through their circuits! We still have two to do next class, but this will be on Thursday rather than Wednesday BECAUSE on Wednesday, instead of having class, we will be taking the whole latter half of the morning to MARCH like a Roman army (they are studying Ancient Rome now) to the beach, about a mile and a half away! Towels will serve as capes and togas, and boogie boards as shields! I can hardly wait and am stoked to be included in this endeavor. The Sixth Grade teacher is lovely and totally inspiring-- she's in her late twenties (I think...?) and has been trained and worked as a midwife, among other things, and has traveled widely. Such intriguing and incredible people surround me-- actually, they're always around, I think-- we just have to open our eyes, ears and hearts to see them!
This weekend was again dedicated to YOGA TRAINING-- Saturday and Sunday. I am amazed by how many classes I'm getting in; by how much I am really dedicating myself to this practice, as difficult and challenging and time-consuming as it is. I am glowing from the focus and energy, though, that it in its wholeness, looking at all of its facets, is giving me. What really struck me about this week as opposed to last week is the stride into which I have come here-- my increasing willingness to surrender into my weaknesses and tightnesses and blocks in this and to challenge and explore them without simply pushing blindly through pain and frustration with gritted teeth and judgment-clouded mind. It's not all gone, certainly, but there is an increased level of peace and accepting awareness in me in this space and in the role into which I am training myself to come and with this has come not only heightened confidence but also heightened joy in the process: as a result, I have come out of these intense hours of training this week much less drained than the last. We worked a lot on memorization this week, on alignment and adjustment of students through a particularly challenging part of our series, and finally on teaching itself-- cuing and all of that of course, but also on cultivating a personal style and effective presence as a teacher. I surprised myself here in a positive way, and was also impressed by the work of many of my cohorts. We're a really interesting group-- random in so many ways, but like-minded, I suppose, in all the ways that matter here. The two classes we took as part of our official training this weekend-- both with one of our instructors, were wonderful and perhaps even transformative in themselves-- pushing me to places I never thought I could go and making me think, with the focal points and messages she chose to include and share, in fresh ways. Yesterday's theme was essentially: "WHY NOT NOW?" and was meant to make us think about ceasing our constant quest for happiness in some future goal and realizing that happiness is a choice that we make, and an answer we hold inside of ourselves; today's was TO HAVE FUN! Basically, to infuse a sense of joy into whatever it is that we encounter, that we undertake in our lives because this approach will change the very quality of that experience: the experience is neither GOOD nor BAD-- it is our mind that makes that determination, that has the power to make it go either way; so why not take it with a smile??? It seems so simple, so cliche, perhaps even simplistic-- but honestly, applied in everyday existence, this SMILE can shape a future concretely, with existential proof. And I think I'm reaching the point of living it...Any least being aware of its truth and its power and working toward it...
So this is how I will enter into this week, whatever it will throw at me. I am so psyched about having my English tutoring clients and bringing this back into my life; I am excited to have the opportunity to teach yoga to the faculty and staff at school one afternoon a week as an ideal chance to practice this skill and form stronger relationships with these people (I couldn't believe it when they asked me to do this!); I am eager to see what my students have to teach me this week in our shared adventures; I am hopeful that I will see Alex more this week than last, between our two crazy schedules; and I am grateful for all that I am lucky enough to have and am blessed to experience.
There are many reasons behind this meditation here-- it has come out of conversations with my fellow teachers in training and out of my own revelations over simply beauties and dynamics and rhythms in my daily life-- but the purpose of my inclusion of it here is mainly to explain to a degree the lapse in my entries...That these last days have been lived fully and not chronicled here and that I have decided not to beat myself up for that-- not to violate "Ahimsa" (the code of Non-Violence in yoga teachings) in regard to my treatment of myself-- but rather to accept this happily! This blog is shaping itself into something that is maybe not a direct report of the everyday madness of things but another type of forum a little less dictated by days; driven by a different beat. So I'll catch up with what has stuck, and what is moving forward with me into tomorrow.
The last two days of the past week were successful school-wise on many levels. I am feeling much more confident in my position and am a little bit in love with every class right now, except for Grade Seven, which has its own issues...They're dealing in a very ugly manner with their transition into adolescence: struggling with social expectations, insecurities, accepting authority, respect toward themselves and others...They are whiny, contrary and lazy-- they talk back and slack off and are generally sour and often infuriating to deal with. At least, though, I know it is not just me. ALL of the teachers have been experiencing this with the group, and some much more severely than me and we are having a meeting with all of the instructors to address our common concerns and problems this week. Basically, though, tomorrow they will not be happy campers. Their workout will be a boot camp of its own and they won't mess with Ms. Nelson's authority again...Dun Dun Dun. ;) Apart from Grade Seven though, like I mentioned, I am really finding such satisfaction and enjoyment in working with my students (and I know that the Seventh Graders will come around-- individually, they're delightful). The spirit of play that I have the freedom to bring to my classes is infectious and even the more rigorous exercises and challenges take on an air of real fun with our collective enthusiasm. Highlights of the week included tumbling with Grade Two and "Mother May I" with Grade One, relay races with Grade Three, and "Capture the Flag" and "Hide and Seek Tag" out on the Bluffs (our crazy wilderness desert area beside the school) with Grades Five, Six, and Eight (Seven was totally lame out there and have lost their privilege to use the space). Another favorite thing of mine this week was having the Sixth Graders get into four groups and draw up their own obstacles courses. They had to incorporate exercises and activities that met a set of particular criteria (at least one running/jumping, one core, one arms, etc.) but beyond that had complete freedom-- and what fantastic courses they devised! Most incredible though was to see the enthusiasm with which they worked to create these...They were focused intently on their task and worked excellently in cooperation with one another. So cute too when they had to lead all of us through their circuits! We still have two to do next class, but this will be on Thursday rather than Wednesday BECAUSE on Wednesday, instead of having class, we will be taking the whole latter half of the morning to MARCH like a Roman army (they are studying Ancient Rome now) to the beach, about a mile and a half away! Towels will serve as capes and togas, and boogie boards as shields! I can hardly wait and am stoked to be included in this endeavor. The Sixth Grade teacher is lovely and totally inspiring-- she's in her late twenties (I think...?) and has been trained and worked as a midwife, among other things, and has traveled widely. Such intriguing and incredible people surround me-- actually, they're always around, I think-- we just have to open our eyes, ears and hearts to see them!
This weekend was again dedicated to YOGA TRAINING-- Saturday and Sunday. I am amazed by how many classes I'm getting in; by how much I am really dedicating myself to this practice, as difficult and challenging and time-consuming as it is. I am glowing from the focus and energy, though, that it in its wholeness, looking at all of its facets, is giving me. What really struck me about this week as opposed to last week is the stride into which I have come here-- my increasing willingness to surrender into my weaknesses and tightnesses and blocks in this and to challenge and explore them without simply pushing blindly through pain and frustration with gritted teeth and judgment-clouded mind. It's not all gone, certainly, but there is an increased level of peace and accepting awareness in me in this space and in the role into which I am training myself to come and with this has come not only heightened confidence but also heightened joy in the process: as a result, I have come out of these intense hours of training this week much less drained than the last. We worked a lot on memorization this week, on alignment and adjustment of students through a particularly challenging part of our series, and finally on teaching itself-- cuing and all of that of course, but also on cultivating a personal style and effective presence as a teacher. I surprised myself here in a positive way, and was also impressed by the work of many of my cohorts. We're a really interesting group-- random in so many ways, but like-minded, I suppose, in all the ways that matter here. The two classes we took as part of our official training this weekend-- both with one of our instructors, were wonderful and perhaps even transformative in themselves-- pushing me to places I never thought I could go and making me think, with the focal points and messages she chose to include and share, in fresh ways. Yesterday's theme was essentially: "WHY NOT NOW?" and was meant to make us think about ceasing our constant quest for happiness in some future goal and realizing that happiness is a choice that we make, and an answer we hold inside of ourselves; today's was TO HAVE FUN! Basically, to infuse a sense of joy into whatever it is that we encounter, that we undertake in our lives because this approach will change the very quality of that experience: the experience is neither GOOD nor BAD-- it is our mind that makes that determination, that has the power to make it go either way; so why not take it with a smile??? It seems so simple, so cliche, perhaps even simplistic-- but honestly, applied in everyday existence, this SMILE can shape a future concretely, with existential proof. And I think I'm reaching the point of living it...Any least being aware of its truth and its power and working toward it...
So this is how I will enter into this week, whatever it will throw at me. I am so psyched about having my English tutoring clients and bringing this back into my life; I am excited to have the opportunity to teach yoga to the faculty and staff at school one afternoon a week as an ideal chance to practice this skill and form stronger relationships with these people (I couldn't believe it when they asked me to do this!); I am eager to see what my students have to teach me this week in our shared adventures; I am hopeful that I will see Alex more this week than last, between our two crazy schedules; and I am grateful for all that I am lucky enough to have and am blessed to experience.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
mIcHaeLmaS! and other thoughts
I remember that my Waldorf childhood was enhanced by the fact that our school community would have frequent and often quite lengthy breaks. It seemed as though even the most obscure and random holidays could serve as excuses to take a day off from school. It was wonderful, really, and my family took full advantage of it, especially when Kelda and I were little-- going on weekend off-season trips to places like Cape Cod or simply spending time at home on our gorgeous woodsy property. However, what I began to realize as I got older was that often, while we were having all of these glorious pauses from the work of school in honor of Columbus Day or Veterans Day, or simply because the administration needed a little hiatus, most of the time we didn't have Jewish holidays off. I had several Jewish kids in my class, and they were able to stay home to observe their religious holidays if their families so chose, but school went on without them. It's funny to me that my new school, which has many more Jewish families, still operated the same way-- something of which I took note this week in particular (the imbalance): we did not have Monday off in recognition of the Jewish holiday BUT yesterday we took a full day to celebrate as a school community MICHAELMAS, the old Christian festival for the arch angel and his aiding of Saint George in slaying the dragon (anyone unfamiliar with the story should totally check it out-- it's fantastic; very archetypal too). I'm certainly not complaining, just noting it. AND Michaelmas itself was SUCH fun; a much more elaborate and engaging affair than anything that I experienced at WSP...We, all 300 + of us in the school-- students and teachers from all 8 grades and the high school, traveled in buses to a beautiful park in Huntington Beach for a day of adventure and challenges of all sorts. The day began with Mr. Bennett telling a variation of the Saint George story to the entire student body (not the high school) gathered in the hall, after which the kids were sorted into groups, each led by a different Eighth Grader and with the title of a particular craft/trade (i.e. The Candlemakers, the Goldsmiths, etc). My favorite part of the whole experience was seeing these mixed groups-- each group had at least one representative from each grade and in total had about 10 kids. It was incredible to see them interacting-- to see the Eighth Grader take charge in an authoritative yet empathetic way, to see them looking out for one another and helping one another...Anyway, when the groups arrived at the park, they were set up to follow a map that would take them to the sites of four different challenges, some mental, some physical-- and all requiring the participation and teamwork of each kid. I was the chaperone for the Jesters (hey, making people laugh is just as important as any other trade, if not more so!) and my oh my was I impressed and just tickled by how they encountered these tasks-- everything from the riddles they needed to solve, the group jump roping they needed to do, the spider's web they all needed to creep through, the costumes they needed to create out of various materials given to them...The hardest part for me was not being allowed to participate in the activities myself, or even help...There was a lot of sitting on my hands and biting my tongue....;) In any event, Michaelmas was an all-day affair, culminating after the challenges in the groups building shelters out of building supplies they had acquired at their challenge sites in the central staging area and then finally concluding in their enacting the end of the Michaelmas story: there was a dragon's cave at the center of a clearing-- according to the tale, the dragon had poisoned the well and the village of trades people was in danger of death as a result. The only way the water could be purified was for the bravest of each trades group (traditionally the Second Grader) who has been dressed up and armed by his or her people, to creep up to the cave and to steal the gold treasures (in this case, rocks I had taken from the train tracks near my house and spray painted sparkling metallic) from the dragon and throw them into the well at the center of the town square...The cave in our case was incredible, with bones strewn about the entrance and smoke billowing out-- it was totally scarier NOT to actually see the dragon but to simply see evidence of him, allowing the kids and us too to imagine our own dragons, our own fears and demons as embodied in whatever was lurking in there-- the Second Graders were quite terrified (at least some were) to approach the cave, but all recovered the stones and the water was purified. The finale of the high schoolers, who had set up and run the challenges, coming to the stage and leading the school in the Saint Michael song, was adorable and even though many of us and the younger kids didn't know the words, HOW POWERFUL to see the teenagers stepping up like this and to see the younger kids looking up to and emulating them...Here, I really could see why they wanted us teachers to take a very minor role...My observations from this day will stay with me, and I'm sure have already changed my feelings about many individual kids, and certainly about the community that the school is in general. I couldn't have had a better time, nor left school feeling happier or more inspired.
After school, I had my first tutoring client from the WSOC student body-- one of my own kids from Grade Seven. It went really well-- and we connected right away and for me, it felt incredible to get back into this English stuff again! I have missed it! As much praise as I have for the school, I am a little worried about the way in which they are teaching, or not teaching, writing here; however, more on this later. I have a plan for progress with this student about which I'm totally excited and very optimistic.
Today, after classes, I will be going to get my own direct training-- another long day with yoga training! But, man, am I loving this! I am so so glad I've stuck to it. Last weekend, I got completely overloaded with information, in a good way: three things that were dominant--
1. Taking my first C3 (Advanced) heated Vinyasa class-- challenged myself and humbled myself and pushed myself to places I never thought I could go (like Birds of Paradise!)
2. Breaking down my Chaturanga and realizing (along with most other people in the room) that I'd been doing it incorrectly my whole yoga life! It's actually even HARDER and since this workshop, I cannot go back-- I've been working on getting it perfect in terms of alignment and while I'm far from it, it's moving toward it, slowly but surely!
3. Anatomy! Such a great, but incredibly overwhelming lecture on Sunday-- soooo much information, but how fascinating to uncover the mechanics behind what makes us able to do these postures, how our bodies and their predispositions create particular limitations or allow for ease within certain poses, how proper alignment can support the development of a balanced and healthy body...I'm in awe, really.
All right. Enough babbling here. I'm off to work. Reflections tomorrow!
After school, I had my first tutoring client from the WSOC student body-- one of my own kids from Grade Seven. It went really well-- and we connected right away and for me, it felt incredible to get back into this English stuff again! I have missed it! As much praise as I have for the school, I am a little worried about the way in which they are teaching, or not teaching, writing here; however, more on this later. I have a plan for progress with this student about which I'm totally excited and very optimistic.
Today, after classes, I will be going to get my own direct training-- another long day with yoga training! But, man, am I loving this! I am so so glad I've stuck to it. Last weekend, I got completely overloaded with information, in a good way: three things that were dominant--
1. Taking my first C3 (Advanced) heated Vinyasa class-- challenged myself and humbled myself and pushed myself to places I never thought I could go (like Birds of Paradise!)
2. Breaking down my Chaturanga and realizing (along with most other people in the room) that I'd been doing it incorrectly my whole yoga life! It's actually even HARDER and since this workshop, I cannot go back-- I've been working on getting it perfect in terms of alignment and while I'm far from it, it's moving toward it, slowly but surely!
3. Anatomy! Such a great, but incredibly overwhelming lecture on Sunday-- soooo much information, but how fascinating to uncover the mechanics behind what makes us able to do these postures, how our bodies and their predispositions create particular limitations or allow for ease within certain poses, how proper alignment can support the development of a balanced and healthy body...I'm in awe, really.
All right. Enough babbling here. I'm off to work. Reflections tomorrow!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
BIG dEsciSioNS, new diRecTionS....
Well, I intended for this blog to be exclusively about my experience as a new Waldorf teacher, coming in with nothing but my own lived Pre-K through 8 education, but I see now just how difficult, and really quite silly it is to try to compartmentalize the things that make up what I'm trying to cultivate as a multifaceted life-- everything I am doing and living and learning affects everything else, undoubtedly, so those others interconnected facets will be represented here to some degree...So here it goes.
It's all nonsense, I know. I've been at this precipice before-- I think we all have-- where self-doubt, where fear paralyzes us and steers us ultimately if we let it away from a challenge. Sometimes the voice that questions is an important one, stopping us from making rash and destructive or foolish decisions...But more often than not, for the over-thinkers among us (like me, Ms. Rationalization, Ms. Logic, Ms. Frugal, Ms. Pros and Cons) it can be immobilizing and limiting...I have consciously worked to combat this tendency toward worrying about future regret. From the outside, many people perceive me as extraordinarily decisive and focused and driven, which on some level I am-- but the secret is that it comes out of a deliberate decision to be so, not out of a lack of fear. So I am sticking with this. I don't know where it will take me, what I will learn, but I'm letting go of the expectations I have for it and riding, in the present with intention, this wave.
The class was fun, if a little fuzzy--sharing feelings...Not necessarily a bad thing for a first meeting. AND the things that we did learn, the engaged "doing yoga" part-- teaching and adjusting the first part of the Vinyasa sequence in pairs, was really helpful, and empowering in that I realized that I already knew more than I though I did-- it's amazing how much one learns just through repeated practice-- the absorption of all of those voices of all of those teachers in all of those classes one's taken become one's own knowledge...I return on Saturday for more goodness-- and Sunday is our Anatomy class, about which I'm pumped. Here's to surrendering and seeing where it goes!
All of this cultivation of self-awareness and the pushing of my own limits and zones of comfort will I know affect the way in which I meet my own professional responsibilities, and the content (bringing more yoga and anatomical understanding to Games and Movement) is only the beginning. It is this fact that I need to remember and keep in my heart as I go through the training.
The rhythm of classes and school has gotten even smoother this week, to the point that I am beginning to recognize and tailor to the personalities of each grade, to know student names-- even in the biggest classes with the tiniest folks!--to feel a bit more "in" my role...and I'm having FUN with it! In spite of the incredible heat of the past few days, the kids have worked and played their hearts out in the relentlessly beating sun, though Grade Two broke down a little today, exhausted from running and sun and as a result, fighting with each other and growing restless, unfocused, and inattentive. Cannot say I blame them! I am looking forward to cooler weather, real (or as real as it gets here) FALL. We are working now on getting the Middle School sports program up and running-- we're going to do it on a club level, and I'm psyched that there's enough interest for a Swim club! We're also going to have Cross Country (which I'll be co-leading with a couple parents), Basketball, Tennis, and Volleyball...Very much looking forward to the extensions these will serve as to weave me more into the school community.
I am creating, steadily but slowly, my "repertoire" of games and exercises and activities in a giant binder [please feel free to share any games YOU enjoyed/enjoy for me to bring to my students!]...It's frustrating to feel like I'm starting from scratch but I guess it's an unavoidable learning curve. It's hard work...but enjoyable nonetheless. Now, I'm starting to work rather than simply getting them under control and moving, toward giving the kids, each grade, a more structured "Waldorfian" program...
Cannot believe tomorrow is already Friday!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A LooooooNg dAy.....
Some highlights of the past two days of school:
1. My wildly successful journey to the desert island with the First Graders-- a true workout for the imagination and for my story-telling skills!
2. Seeing my Eighth Graders hobbling around the campus the day after we did a circuit that included body weight squats.
3. The Fifth Graders' incredibly enthusiastic romping in the Bear Crawl.
4. Getting the biggest hug imaginable from my Fourth Grade "tough guy" after playing a fast-paced, high energy game he so enjoyed, in spite of his attempts to dislike it...;)
Today is a big one, more for me than for the kids in the sense that I have a lot on my plate in starting my yoga instructor training this evening. I'm hoping to be able to keep the energy and "awakeness" running throughout! I have Sixth, Seventh and Second Grades today...Six and Seven will do a CrossFit kids workout and then play German Dodgeball (woohoo!) and Second will play some tagging games and then Blind Man's Bluff-- a variation I put together from doing some research, where the kids for a circle and the "blind man" is in the center...EXCEPT he or she is actually a farmer coming into the barn at night so check on his animals, but he cannot see in the dark...the other students are the animals and they circle the blind farmer saying a silly verse until the end, then the farmer gets to point to one kid/animal and tell him/her to make the noise of that particular animal ("Bark like a dog...") in order to identify him/her. We'll see how it goes. I'm nervous for yoga training but also stoked. I think it will compliment and deepen my work at school but also in my own life and practice. Will check back in tomorrow to update you all on the day!
1. My wildly successful journey to the desert island with the First Graders-- a true workout for the imagination and for my story-telling skills!
2. Seeing my Eighth Graders hobbling around the campus the day after we did a circuit that included body weight squats.
3. The Fifth Graders' incredibly enthusiastic romping in the Bear Crawl.
4. Getting the biggest hug imaginable from my Fourth Grade "tough guy" after playing a fast-paced, high energy game he so enjoyed, in spite of his attempts to dislike it...;)
Today is a big one, more for me than for the kids in the sense that I have a lot on my plate in starting my yoga instructor training this evening. I'm hoping to be able to keep the energy and "awakeness" running throughout! I have Sixth, Seventh and Second Grades today...Six and Seven will do a CrossFit kids workout and then play German Dodgeball (woohoo!) and Second will play some tagging games and then Blind Man's Bluff-- a variation I put together from doing some research, where the kids for a circle and the "blind man" is in the center...EXCEPT he or she is actually a farmer coming into the barn at night so check on his animals, but he cannot see in the dark...the other students are the animals and they circle the blind farmer saying a silly verse until the end, then the farmer gets to point to one kid/animal and tell him/her to make the noise of that particular animal ("Bark like a dog...") in order to identify him/her. We'll see how it goes. I'm nervous for yoga training but also stoked. I think it will compliment and deepen my work at school but also in my own life and practice. Will check back in tomorrow to update you all on the day!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sunday cHeck-iN...
My break from blogging at the end of last week was not out of a sense of discouragement, or out of a feeling of frustration or being overwhelmed with work and its dramas, but rather was just simply a result of life being lived and my becoming engaged with moments as they existed...Actually, Thursday and Friday (and Wednesday) went incredibly well, even Sixth Grade in which we did a hula hoop circle step-through timed race (which they were SO into) and played JAILBREAK (with mixed-gender teams!) at the volleyball courts. My most triumphant feat was completing a First Grade lesson that felt truly successful and relatively smooth! With the help of an assistant to the lower grades teachers who dealt with the disciplinary problems, I was able to 1) get the kids to walk out of the classroom quietly, two by two 2) have them form two concentric circle with these lines (a tricky thing!) and 3) get them into two parallel lines again to play a game of OVER-UNDER passing with a ball (they just learned how to sew so I and the assistant, an awesome, bouncy guy whom the children all call "Mr. Brad", thought it was appropriate); they even got a little competitive, seeing which line could do this sequence correctly in the shortest amount of time. They were over the moon about this simple exercise-- which again reinforced for me the importance of simplicity itself at this age-- simplicity and structure...Tomorrow, I have them again, and I think I will be taking them on a trip: we'll be on a long ship, with oar(wo)men in pairs rowing and crash-land on a deserted island...Who knows what we might find there! Well, Ms. Nelson does (we'll encounter a hungry MR.WOLF (or perhaps a tiger or something more exotic) and play some rounds of this fun "Tag" variation to get them RUNNING and pooped out. :) I LOVELOVELOVE being able to craft an imaginative narrative around the activities we do in these younger grades-- it's like story-telling and they just eat it up...Looking forward to seeing how this goes.
The Eighth Grade is fun in its own way, on the other end of the spectrum-- and I also see them tomorrow. I've been trying to do some basic CrossFit kids stuff with them and they're fairly receptive-- at least, they do it and I've heard from parents that the students are excited about the possibilities offered by my program. We ran a mile on Friday as an assessment tool for me to see where they are-- some fast ones in the bunch! But everyone finished-- in spite of the glaring noon-time heat and the lack of shade in the desert-like bluffs in front of the school. They were great sports. Tomorrow, I think we'll do some functional fitness stuff for half the period and then maybe reward ourselves with a game of CAPTURE THE FLAG. [I cannot wait for my pinnies to come in! This will make these games so much easier to manage!]
Fifth Grade on Friday was a trip, as usual...Played SPUD, which they loved, and then variations of tag: one-footed hopping tag first and then "All-Fours Tag" (my own creation-- so funny to watch); they were wiped out afterwards. I'm thinking German Dodgeball for this group soon...This game was a favorite of my Waldorf class-- Mr. Heyder taught it to us, telling us only the German name, which I won't even pretend to spell here. But even I, someone who much preferred the running and hiding and strategy games to those involving balls of any kind, LOVED this one! It's fast-paced and involved everyone, drawing on all kinds of skill.
And overall, how is Greta feeling about this new position? Well. I must say that it is taking some getting used to-- the flexibility and the freedom, the new environment and the new kids, my new "uniform" a.k.a. shorts and tees and sneakers as opposed to more "teacherly" garb-- all of it. I feel like I am missing something, like this is too good to be true and that I'm going to find out that I'm doing something profoundly wrong, like missing half of my week's classes or something...I'm holding my breath but the bubble hasn't burst yet. I guess I really AM living the dream, and it IS dreamy, all besides getting stuck in California traffic when I leave school too late in the afternoon. So I'm figuring out how to live this schedule most fully...And I'm getting there. But now, to sleep. Big day-- four classes: bang bang bang bang (back to back to back to back) all out in the sun tomorrow. It could be worse ;)
The Eighth Grade is fun in its own way, on the other end of the spectrum-- and I also see them tomorrow. I've been trying to do some basic CrossFit kids stuff with them and they're fairly receptive-- at least, they do it and I've heard from parents that the students are excited about the possibilities offered by my program. We ran a mile on Friday as an assessment tool for me to see where they are-- some fast ones in the bunch! But everyone finished-- in spite of the glaring noon-time heat and the lack of shade in the desert-like bluffs in front of the school. They were great sports. Tomorrow, I think we'll do some functional fitness stuff for half the period and then maybe reward ourselves with a game of CAPTURE THE FLAG. [I cannot wait for my pinnies to come in! This will make these games so much easier to manage!]
Fifth Grade on Friday was a trip, as usual...Played SPUD, which they loved, and then variations of tag: one-footed hopping tag first and then "All-Fours Tag" (my own creation-- so funny to watch); they were wiped out afterwards. I'm thinking German Dodgeball for this group soon...This game was a favorite of my Waldorf class-- Mr. Heyder taught it to us, telling us only the German name, which I won't even pretend to spell here. But even I, someone who much preferred the running and hiding and strategy games to those involving balls of any kind, LOVED this one! It's fast-paced and involved everyone, drawing on all kinds of skill.
And overall, how is Greta feeling about this new position? Well. I must say that it is taking some getting used to-- the flexibility and the freedom, the new environment and the new kids, my new "uniform" a.k.a. shorts and tees and sneakers as opposed to more "teacherly" garb-- all of it. I feel like I am missing something, like this is too good to be true and that I'm going to find out that I'm doing something profoundly wrong, like missing half of my week's classes or something...I'm holding my breath but the bubble hasn't burst yet. I guess I really AM living the dream, and it IS dreamy, all besides getting stuck in California traffic when I leave school too late in the afternoon. So I'm figuring out how to live this schedule most fully...And I'm getting there. But now, to sleep. Big day-- four classes: bang bang bang bang (back to back to back to back) all out in the sun tomorrow. It could be worse ;)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
oH, the aDoLesCenT BeaSt...
Sixth Grade-- the beautiful time when hormones begin to take hold and the resulting tension between the males and females of our wacky species crackles and sparks like nobody's business! Such fun for a teacher, especially when that teacher is responsible for quelling all kinds of BOY vs GIRL drama when teams are drawn up and pitted against one another for physical competition. I made the silly mistake of allowing (naive little me) a Boy vs Girl game of STEAL THE BACON last week-- a couple of tears there-- never again. Yesterday, I was blown away, though, by how utterly, almost to the point of fear of contamination it seems, the two genders separate themselves. They are completely vocal about it, not trying to couch their disgust and contempt for one another at all. And while to me, it's sort of amusing from the outside, that is when it's not incredibly annoying in terms of trying to get a lesson going, it really is ugly to witness. I know it's all a part of growing up, and a very important stage as well-- I know too that I was exactly the same way in Sixth Grade-- however, I cannot help thinking of the repercussions that some of these interactions are going to have on the kids, for better or worse. I think more about those who are tangential to the real action too-- the followers and clingers-on who are grateful to be included in a group simply by virtue of their being one gender or another, but who really have no voice there, who are picked last and overlooked in the heat of the drama.
But enough about this-- kids will be kids, teens will be teens...I suppose it's just interesting to witness this behavior from such a vantage point and in such a context. Seventh Grade is similar, but not so starkly divided. I also had Second Grade yesterday and they were dreamy-- apart from a couple of needy attention-seeking whiney ones ;). We had a magical afternoon!
Today is Sixth once again-- and Third. Let's see what kind of excitement unfolds...
But enough about this-- kids will be kids, teens will be teens...I suppose it's just interesting to witness this behavior from such a vantage point and in such a context. Seventh Grade is similar, but not so starkly divided. I also had Second Grade yesterday and they were dreamy-- apart from a couple of needy attention-seeking whiney ones ;). We had a magical afternoon!
Today is Sixth once again-- and Third. Let's see what kind of excitement unfolds...
leT's pRetEnd...
It's amazing how the how an experience can be totally transformed by our imagination of it. Our minds can change a simple errand into an adventure, a mundane task into a life or death-level challenge, an ordinary place or object into something alive, or even magic. With games and any physical movement, I've been noticing, it is the same, especially with kids, as they are so much closer to this manner of approaching the world-- seeing what could be in what actually is... My Tuesday was transformed as a result. My games with the 3rd, 4th, and 5th Graders was spent it a much more imaginative space. I consciously made an effort to present all the material, and two games I'm thinking of in particular, with images, with imagination, framing them. The first of my two favorites worked with all age levels, and worked incredibly well! It was a jungle chase scene of sorts-- called TIGER, LEOPARD (I got it out of this simple tag games book)-- each student has a partner; one is a tiger, the other a leopard. The tigers all crouch down on a line on one side of the field and the leopards are behind. On a specific cue, the leopard have to LEAP over the tigers, and then run to the other side of the jungle to safety as the tigers rise and chase them! The winner-- leopard or tiger (if he tags his leopard) gets to choose which role to play in the next round. I had no idea that something so simple, and that was in essence a series of leaps and wind-sprints-- would be an activity ALL of these kids were so engaged in! It was such fun-- with the running and the growling and all of that :). The second game in which imagination made all the difference was a circle game called "Sew Up the Circle"-- I'm not going to explain it in detail (though if you want the rules, just let me know!) but again, the image created made the game an immediate success-- all three classes just ate it up.
I left school yesterday feeling confident and triumphant-- a relief after Monday's discouragement. Back to School Night was also last night and it was heartening to hear from parents that their children had been excitedly telling them how much fun they were having in my class so far. So I'm going into today with optimism. It's my late morning so it's been nice to have a little more time for me, but now it's time to go. More later...
I left school yesterday feeling confident and triumphant-- a relief after Monday's discouragement. Back to School Night was also last night and it was heartening to hear from parents that their children had been excitedly telling them how much fun they were having in my class so far. So I'm going into today with optimism. It's my late morning so it's been nice to have a little more time for me, but now it's time to go. More later...
Monday, September 14, 2009
a monday, feeling off...
Today, from the outside, seemed to go without major, or even minor, disaster; and I suppose I did. And yet, I for the whole day this sense of frustration with everything involved in the process right now. The whole structure of things does not lend itself to any kind of sane teaching, the kind in which the instructor gets to know each student, gets to establish authority, to move forward with a clear objective and measurable goals-- scaffolding. I feel the crunch of each one of these lessons-- and I feel suffocated by the restrictions of time and by the enormous SIZE of each of the groups in particular. I feel overwhelmed that I'll never get the chance to really get to know them in the context in which I see them, and as such, never be able to organize them in a way that allows me to take them where I want to. I know this is nonsense, at least in the absolute sense-- of course, I'll be able to reach them and I'm sure the rhythm will come, the rapport. But it is going to be extremely challenging, and perhaps it won't ever reach the level that I would wish. The First Grade is my greatest worry right now-- 34 little ones in the great wide open, totally distractable, each one needing immediate love and attention and me not even knowing all of their names because I haven't spent more than 80 minutes with them all, and all together! HELP! Today, this class and I did great at points, but it feels chaotic and unstructured and I just want to sit down on the floor and kick my heels into the ground, pound my fists and scream. Haven't done that yet, though. ;) On the brighter side, I did manage to teach Grade 8 how to run properly-- foot placement, breathing, etc.-- and I made them do burpees-- I don't know if I made many friends, but at least they didn't complain too loudly and they smiled and said enthusiastic HI MS. NELSON's to me at the end of the day in the parking lot. But truly, as scrambled as this post it, that is only a shadow of what my head looks like right now, and what I feel my lessons to be-- though I'm sure they're hardly that bad. Still, I want to improve them so so much, and feeling at a loss at how to go about doing so as dramatically as I wish is one of my least favorite...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Wrapping Up One Week, & On To The Next!
Sundays become natural PAUSES, beats of REST, during the school year, places from which to reflect more calmly and removedly (my word :)) on what's transpired, in the style of tornado or at a tempo of tedium, in the week previous and to map out and guess at what is to come in that ahead. So, here I sit on the Sunday evening, the first of MY new school year, enjoying the late rays of a still-summer sun through the north-western window, attempting to articulate these very things.
The week's finale of Friday was something that gave me such a sense of needed optimism for the week, and even for the year ahead. My major goal was to make it to all of my classes on time (in spite of there being no designated passing time between the periods!) and in this I succeeded! WOOT for me! But more than that-- the feeling I had throughout the day, while undeniably tinged with a constant anxiety and insecurity, neither of which I try to let show, was POSITIVE! I met three new classes-- First (!), Fifth, and Eighth-- and got to try my hand at Grade 2 again. Grade 2 came first after my arrival at school and my work as one of the rangers on the playground at snack time, and I certainly felt better about what came out of that session than the first. I had been able to plan for it based on my prior knowledge of the group-- a brief but illuminating (joltingly so!) experience on Wednesday. In terms of material, I attempted to strike continuity between the two lessons and was sort of able to do so. The rhythms of these younger grades are so interesting because more so than the older kids, the younger students fall in and out of engagement and focus so so quickly-- and it's hard to keep up! One minute, they are in a chaotic fit of giggles, or pinching each other, or even sobbing, and then the next they are totally hanging on my every word and moment. I guess my challenge it just to try to measure when these moments happen; and work out some crazy alchemy through which to stretch these moments into a constant flow-- for every one of this group of 30 + kids. Piece of cake. ;) Grade 1 definitely fell into this description perfectly, though they are markedly less devious and mischievous than the Second Graders (I say this with admiration and love for those in Grade 2!) Big mistake in this class of 34 was to try to have them all patiently wait through a name game (my attempt to learn all of these names, each equally beautiful and totally out-there)-- too long, Ms. Nelson (yes, I'm changing back to this title based on support from the Grade 1 teacher, a perfectly delightful Englishman in his 60s who thinks this "Ms. or Mr. First Name business" is nonsense ;) )! In any event, I was able to get them back easily enough through an imaginative running game, but my lessons in the future will certainly look differently as a result.
Grade Eight was pure fun! These guys are the mini-adults with kid spirit whom I just love. The group is smaller-- 23-- and each one of them was polite and engaged and generally enthusiastic. We did some stretching and yoga, some running work and a little core, and then we had RELAY RACES, which they were totally into! It was inspiring to see these 14 year olds hopping like bunnies or crawling like crabs or barreling forward like wheelbarrows with such ferocious intensity! And they had great feedback, and seemed be excited about the fitness program I have planned for them. We have some really athletic kids in this group and fantastic attitudes so I'm excited to see where this year takes us.
Grade Five was possibly my favorite lesson of the day-- I felt like it had a rhythm and a logical structure, the timing was good and the focus and fun were present for the majority of the time. Maybe it was the kids being particularly well-behaved and adorably enthusiastic that day or maybe it was me feeling a little more comfortable in my skin-- probably it was both-- but I hopehopehope we can recreate it again. We played a much more dynamic and fun name-game-- fast-paced and kind of crazy involving patterns of throwing and catching playground balls in a large circle-- total madness once we got the two balls going in opposite directions on the path! Took them through some stretching and partner warm-ups and then them running also with relay races of a similar kind-- more teams with this larger group. Goodness, I still cannot get over the beaming feeling I had after this lesson ended and I took them back to their classroom-- on time and in an orderly manner ;)-- it was the perfect note on which to end the week.
This weekend has been a wonderful break from all of this-- this avalanche of transition; Alex is finally home after a six-week absence (training in Northern Cali) and we spend the days catching up and catching sun and waves (well, some of us ;). We did make our way to the international competition down at Lower Trestles though! Kelly Slater is there (the only surfer I've ever really heard of) but we missed him). Tomorrow marks a new start for him at Pendleton, and for me in a full week, complete with a Parent Night event (yikes!). But for these last hours, better to live in the moment if possible so I will stop with the anticipation for now, and let what unfolds unfold as it will. And I will keep you posted.
The week's finale of Friday was something that gave me such a sense of needed optimism for the week, and even for the year ahead. My major goal was to make it to all of my classes on time (in spite of there being no designated passing time between the periods!) and in this I succeeded! WOOT for me! But more than that-- the feeling I had throughout the day, while undeniably tinged with a constant anxiety and insecurity, neither of which I try to let show, was POSITIVE! I met three new classes-- First (!), Fifth, and Eighth-- and got to try my hand at Grade 2 again. Grade 2 came first after my arrival at school and my work as one of the rangers on the playground at snack time, and I certainly felt better about what came out of that session than the first. I had been able to plan for it based on my prior knowledge of the group-- a brief but illuminating (joltingly so!) experience on Wednesday. In terms of material, I attempted to strike continuity between the two lessons and was sort of able to do so. The rhythms of these younger grades are so interesting because more so than the older kids, the younger students fall in and out of engagement and focus so so quickly-- and it's hard to keep up! One minute, they are in a chaotic fit of giggles, or pinching each other, or even sobbing, and then the next they are totally hanging on my every word and moment. I guess my challenge it just to try to measure when these moments happen; and work out some crazy alchemy through which to stretch these moments into a constant flow-- for every one of this group of 30 + kids. Piece of cake. ;) Grade 1 definitely fell into this description perfectly, though they are markedly less devious and mischievous than the Second Graders (I say this with admiration and love for those in Grade 2!) Big mistake in this class of 34 was to try to have them all patiently wait through a name game (my attempt to learn all of these names, each equally beautiful and totally out-there)-- too long, Ms. Nelson (yes, I'm changing back to this title based on support from the Grade 1 teacher, a perfectly delightful Englishman in his 60s who thinks this "Ms. or Mr. First Name business" is nonsense ;) )! In any event, I was able to get them back easily enough through an imaginative running game, but my lessons in the future will certainly look differently as a result.
Grade Eight was pure fun! These guys are the mini-adults with kid spirit whom I just love. The group is smaller-- 23-- and each one of them was polite and engaged and generally enthusiastic. We did some stretching and yoga, some running work and a little core, and then we had RELAY RACES, which they were totally into! It was inspiring to see these 14 year olds hopping like bunnies or crawling like crabs or barreling forward like wheelbarrows with such ferocious intensity! And they had great feedback, and seemed be excited about the fitness program I have planned for them. We have some really athletic kids in this group and fantastic attitudes so I'm excited to see where this year takes us.
Grade Five was possibly my favorite lesson of the day-- I felt like it had a rhythm and a logical structure, the timing was good and the focus and fun were present for the majority of the time. Maybe it was the kids being particularly well-behaved and adorably enthusiastic that day or maybe it was me feeling a little more comfortable in my skin-- probably it was both-- but I hopehopehope we can recreate it again. We played a much more dynamic and fun name-game-- fast-paced and kind of crazy involving patterns of throwing and catching playground balls in a large circle-- total madness once we got the two balls going in opposite directions on the path! Took them through some stretching and partner warm-ups and then them running also with relay races of a similar kind-- more teams with this larger group. Goodness, I still cannot get over the beaming feeling I had after this lesson ended and I took them back to their classroom-- on time and in an orderly manner ;)-- it was the perfect note on which to end the week.
This weekend has been a wonderful break from all of this-- this avalanche of transition; Alex is finally home after a six-week absence (training in Northern Cali) and we spend the days catching up and catching sun and waves (well, some of us ;). We did make our way to the international competition down at Lower Trestles though! Kelly Slater is there (the only surfer I've ever really heard of) but we missed him). Tomorrow marks a new start for him at Pendleton, and for me in a full week, complete with a Parent Night event (yikes!). But for these last hours, better to live in the moment if possible so I will stop with the anticipation for now, and let what unfolds unfold as it will. And I will keep you posted.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
seConD dAy...
Okay. A breath first. And this will be relatively short, just to let all of you who've expressed curiosity about my experience, and kindly care, at least a little, whether I've made it this far, that YES I have, and this is what I've been doing...
Well, the first point of triumph for me today is that I am still awake to be writing this! I really was taken aback by the extent to which I felt engulfed, entirely, by exhaustion yesterday and by a need to process, but also to let go of the day and all of its surprises and obstacles. I slept so deeply, but awoke refreshed and optimistic about the day ahead. I had only two classes today, still back-to-back, but a dreamy situation compared to that which I have tomorrow-- Recess Duty, and then FOUR in a row. Met Grade 3 first-- and they were adorable, bursting with energy but able to be a bit more controlled and directed on their own [at least today!] than Grade 2. Tried a new Name Game with them that involved clapping syllables and moving in concentric circles... Sort of worked-- at least I learned their names mainly and they were mildly entertained! Did some balancing/trust exercises that were fun-- with the whole group and then in pairs [social dynamics; wow, a whole other story!], and then played a quick game of Laughing Statues [group of students are stony-faced statues and the rest of the students are responsible for making the statues laugh without touching them-- when they do, they sit; last person standing wins-- I turned out to be the ultimate "laugh-maker";)]. Had a race back to the classroom, both to get them running just a bit more and also because I was going to be late for Grade 6...which I was anyway-- but what was great about being with Grade 6 today was that it already felt a little familiar, even after just spending one class with them yesterday-- and this definitely helped me to feel more grounded and sure of myself, which is something that's been distinctly lacking in these last days. We had a FULL to bursting lesson-- a Ms. Greta led Follow-The-Leader warm-up ending with running, disguised yoga, trust/balance/core building exercise, and then a game of Steal the Bacon [the chosen theme was CANDY]-- stupidly boys vs. girls. I won't make THAT mistake again---oooooh the drama at this age, in this class. There were some tears over a little rivalry between unaware crushees ;) but really, it all went smoothly as far as I'm concerned and they seemed to have a good time. MAN can some of those kids RUN! I'm disappointed not to have had a chance to re-time the relay but there is certainly more time in the year ahead... This is going to be a fun group...
I am going to wait until I am in a more reflective space to actually offer some reflection on anecdotes. For now, thanks for your patience with these unprocessed pieces, but I hope it gives you a little glimpse into this beautiful chaos! And wish me luck tomorrow!
Well, the first point of triumph for me today is that I am still awake to be writing this! I really was taken aback by the extent to which I felt engulfed, entirely, by exhaustion yesterday and by a need to process, but also to let go of the day and all of its surprises and obstacles. I slept so deeply, but awoke refreshed and optimistic about the day ahead. I had only two classes today, still back-to-back, but a dreamy situation compared to that which I have tomorrow-- Recess Duty, and then FOUR in a row. Met Grade 3 first-- and they were adorable, bursting with energy but able to be a bit more controlled and directed on their own [at least today!] than Grade 2. Tried a new Name Game with them that involved clapping syllables and moving in concentric circles... Sort of worked-- at least I learned their names mainly and they were mildly entertained! Did some balancing/trust exercises that were fun-- with the whole group and then in pairs [social dynamics; wow, a whole other story!], and then played a quick game of Laughing Statues [group of students are stony-faced statues and the rest of the students are responsible for making the statues laugh without touching them-- when they do, they sit; last person standing wins-- I turned out to be the ultimate "laugh-maker";)]. Had a race back to the classroom, both to get them running just a bit more and also because I was going to be late for Grade 6...which I was anyway-- but what was great about being with Grade 6 today was that it already felt a little familiar, even after just spending one class with them yesterday-- and this definitely helped me to feel more grounded and sure of myself, which is something that's been distinctly lacking in these last days. We had a FULL to bursting lesson-- a Ms. Greta led Follow-The-Leader warm-up ending with running, disguised yoga, trust/balance/core building exercise, and then a game of Steal the Bacon [the chosen theme was CANDY]-- stupidly boys vs. girls. I won't make THAT mistake again---oooooh the drama at this age, in this class. There were some tears over a little rivalry between unaware crushees ;) but really, it all went smoothly as far as I'm concerned and they seemed to have a good time. MAN can some of those kids RUN! I'm disappointed not to have had a chance to re-time the relay but there is certainly more time in the year ahead... This is going to be a fun group...
I am going to wait until I am in a more reflective space to actually offer some reflection on anecdotes. For now, thanks for your patience with these unprocessed pieces, but I hope it gives you a little glimpse into this beautiful chaos! And wish me luck tomorrow!
the FIRST DAY! [written, as you can see, on Day 2]
Goodness gracious! I dont even know where to begin with this reflection! 09.09.09.-- a day so bursting and buzzing with energy and anxiety and challenge of all shapes and sizes. I arrived at school for the Back to School Assembly at which I was introduced with all of the new teachers-- I don't think I've ever had so many widely-curious eyes on me at one time without me even opening my mouth! The class teachers all tempted their students with a tiny sneak-peek of the year to come, and the 23 or so high school students led everyone in what was surprisingly my absolute favorite part of the whole ceremony-- a rhythm symphony of sorts in which each grade was responsible for a different beat composed of various stamps and claps and slaps. The final performance was rockin, really! Then, I again had to wait for a period-- the waiting has been the worst; absolute worst. Finally, though, at 11:50 I had my first class-- Grade 6. Met them in the classroom and after being introduced by the class teacher, I led them on to the large grassy field next to the school in a [relatively]silent single file line and we circled up. I started by getting them running in the circle a little and then without introducing much of anything, I led them through a Star stretching series and a simple Sun Salutation that is paired with a verse. I'm hoping to do this at the beginning of every class. Surprisingly, they all did-- probably because they are just a smidge scared of me, the new teacher, but also certainly because I didn't tell them that it was yoga-- they are, in theory, not too enthused by the idea of yoga they told me late- ha!--and they actually seemed to enjoy the challenge of some of the poses. After this, I told them a little about myself and then, because of my selfish need to hear their names quickly, we played a name game. Unfortunately, it seemed a lot better in my head, I but I guess I'd forgotten how at age 12 and 13, being asked to stand and perform a gesture or movement that reflects one's personality, which is what they were to do; repeating the names and gestures of those before them-- in some way it incredibly difficult-- even as an adult it's sort of nerve-wracking depending on the context! So this lost a lot of energy in the process and the gestures were pretty dull, expect for a couple of clapping push-ups and a cartwheel, and my somersault to a standing positing ;). But I did learn their names well enough to get myself around the circle so it served its purpose. And at least we ended the class with a bang by doing a timed relay challenge... Picture this:
All 25 kids lie on their stomachs on the grass in a line-- there is at least an arm's length of space between each kid. Then, the person at the designated end of the line gets up and must step over each of his classmates as quickly as he can and when he reaches the other end, lie down as quickly as possible because the people behind him have already started their way across...The race ends when the last person in the line has crossed over everyone else and lay down on the grass. They were able to do this in 40 seconds, and today, since I see them again, we'll redo it to see if they can beat the time
After lunch, it was Grade 7, followed-- without a pause, by Grade 2. All I can say is WOW. The distance between these two classes, literally [I have to sprint at 2 pm across the entire campus just to get there- not quite on time! The school's lack of passing time is still a bit of a frustrating mystery to me] but so much more significantly EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY in the bodily sense-- is so so vast. On top of this necessary adjustment for me as the teacher, I personally haven't had to ever teach in any solo and organized way, a group of elementary school kids at all... Let's just say it was a shock to the system, and the lesson plans when out the window in favor of total improvisation. My biggest ZING of an epiphany was that verbal instructions aren't, with this age group, incredibly-- okay, really AT ALL-- effective. I was repeating and repeating myself-- getting giddily interrupted with total nonsequiturs that I'm sure made total sense to these kids in their heads [and I thought those Eighth Graders in English class were bad ;)] and I was finally beginning to get pretty fed-up, just at a loss really at how to handle the situation which seemed totally unstructured and unfocused, when I simply started doing the exercise-- a verse with attached gestures-- on my own and OH MAN! I cannot tell you how quickly I had each and every one of them hanging on each movement-- totally in the moment and enjoying the challenges of processing new words and getting new postures and stretches and balances in their bodies. It was remarkable. That kind of intense, genuine focus, "in-it-ness," but most notably the JOY and FUN that they seemed to get out of the simplest thing was actually inspiring and exhilarating for ME! So I rode that wave of a little while, coming up with simple and not so simple imitative stretching sequences and then finally by some animal forms...This carried me through the rest of the class-- it just unfolded from here, with the kids choosing their favorite animals and figuring out how that animal would move, etc. Then, I set the "creatures" free in a designated area and told them that now only now did they have to move as their selected animal but they also needed to think about how their chosen animals would react to and relate to the others around them...This was a blast! We had some great chases erupt and great alliances arise; and whenever they got out of control, I froze them, and had them choose a new animal. Good times-- and hours of entertainment! But I wanted to at least get one game in so I made up a variation on DUCK DUCK GOOSE in which the animals used, if they happened to be "It," their own animal names, followed with a "Goose" that was an action that they, as their animal, perform [for instance, my cheetah said, "Cheetah, Cheetah,...etc POUNCE!" They got a kick out of this... It was possibly one of the longest, and yet simultaneously one of the quickest, 50 minutes of my life. I began, I think, to realize then that, yes, the newness of this job would be a challenge as I'd anticipated but really, a FAR greater all-around SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM than I could have dreamed.
I was home at 7:30, after yoga and some errands, and in bed by 8:10 pm, barely up long enough to wonder over my utter and total exhaustion. Zzzzz...
All 25 kids lie on their stomachs on the grass in a line-- there is at least an arm's length of space between each kid. Then, the person at the designated end of the line gets up and must step over each of his classmates as quickly as he can and when he reaches the other end, lie down as quickly as possible because the people behind him have already started their way across...The race ends when the last person in the line has crossed over everyone else and lay down on the grass. They were able to do this in 40 seconds, and today, since I see them again, we'll redo it to see if they can beat the time
After lunch, it was Grade 7, followed-- without a pause, by Grade 2. All I can say is WOW. The distance between these two classes, literally [I have to sprint at 2 pm across the entire campus just to get there- not quite on time! The school's lack of passing time is still a bit of a frustrating mystery to me] but so much more significantly EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY in the bodily sense-- is so so vast. On top of this necessary adjustment for me as the teacher, I personally haven't had to ever teach in any solo and organized way, a group of elementary school kids at all... Let's just say it was a shock to the system, and the lesson plans when out the window in favor of total improvisation. My biggest ZING of an epiphany was that verbal instructions aren't, with this age group, incredibly-- okay, really AT ALL-- effective. I was repeating and repeating myself-- getting giddily interrupted with total nonsequiturs that I'm sure made total sense to these kids in their heads [and I thought those Eighth Graders in English class were bad ;)] and I was finally beginning to get pretty fed-up, just at a loss really at how to handle the situation which seemed totally unstructured and unfocused, when I simply started doing the exercise-- a verse with attached gestures-- on my own and OH MAN! I cannot tell you how quickly I had each and every one of them hanging on each movement-- totally in the moment and enjoying the challenges of processing new words and getting new postures and stretches and balances in their bodies. It was remarkable. That kind of intense, genuine focus, "in-it-ness," but most notably the JOY and FUN that they seemed to get out of the simplest thing was actually inspiring and exhilarating for ME! So I rode that wave of a little while, coming up with simple and not so simple imitative stretching sequences and then finally by some animal forms...This carried me through the rest of the class-- it just unfolded from here, with the kids choosing their favorite animals and figuring out how that animal would move, etc. Then, I set the "creatures" free in a designated area and told them that now only now did they have to move as their selected animal but they also needed to think about how their chosen animals would react to and relate to the others around them...This was a blast! We had some great chases erupt and great alliances arise; and whenever they got out of control, I froze them, and had them choose a new animal. Good times-- and hours of entertainment! But I wanted to at least get one game in so I made up a variation on DUCK DUCK GOOSE in which the animals used, if they happened to be "It," their own animal names, followed with a "Goose" that was an action that they, as their animal, perform [for instance, my cheetah said, "Cheetah, Cheetah,...etc POUNCE!" They got a kick out of this... It was possibly one of the longest, and yet simultaneously one of the quickest, 50 minutes of my life. I began, I think, to realize then that, yes, the newness of this job would be a challenge as I'd anticipated but really, a FAR greater all-around SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM than I could have dreamed.
I was home at 7:30, after yoga and some errands, and in bed by 8:10 pm, barely up long enough to wonder over my utter and total exhaustion. Zzzzz...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
jiTteRs...
So tomorrow, it begins FOR REAL. The nerves are outrageous. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't have real training in this at all-- I am worried about the newness of the structure, of the expectations, of the age ranges, everything. I know that tomorrow, when i actually have them all together, right there in front of me, things will pull together but right now, I'm a little bit of a wreck, as I always am on the brink of something new.
Monday, September 7, 2009
REfLecTioNs-- back one year in time...
I was going through my files and found this tucked away in my "Fiction" folders-- I now remember putting it there because my life at the time seemed so much like a work of fiction and I wanted to play with the irony-- fact as fiction [I had just finished creating a unit on Capote's IN COLD BLOOD that spring that was driven by the fuzzy line between the two genres so I think I was a little preoccupied...] Anyway, I thought it was interesting to see how I was feeling on the brink of my last move and my last great adventure-- my first real venture into teaching and thought perhaps some of you might be interested too. It's also a bit of a love letter to Santa Fe...
25 july 2008
friday
santa fe [via albuquerque & minneapolis] to a home now officially temporary
[can you go home again?]
The romance and coincidence and the falling togetherness is not just in pages of storybooks; it had to derive from a reality; I just never knew who’s that reality was until now. It’s all of ours; it’s only in an equal balance of our energy toward believing action and letting go that we can see it; and that it is clearer than clearest “could even begin to be.” The past days of my life have been a constellation too perfectly patterned to have been mere chance and it is only from a bit of suspended distance that I can begin to process their meaning and their beauty, and the significance of what my behavior in relation to the situation has taught me about the nature of that frustratingly terrifying and elusive R.O.L. that Amalia talks about. This is more real than the limits; the risks aren’t risks they are growth in the way I’ve dreamed about and talked about always but never seen, or felt. This is my time, I’ve decided, where’s there’s nothing to loose. I am prepared but not invulnerable; the earth has turned upside down and been shaken to its core into a whole new kaleidoscopic organization of adventure. And I’m scared but at the same time not; disbelieving but confident. This is a chance, to be compelled to expand and challenge and bloom and hurt and laugh and create; all dimensions of me; it is vibrant. I trust myself to know this is what I need right now; but find it storybookish that it’s here that I’m ending up (or being) right now; somewhere not even on my conscious radar, having crept into a flood of anxious despair/floundering/fear…But that’s its beauty: no expectations set up around it to be shattered, as Anam said. Just openness to whatever it will be. Openness to true experience, through and through.
I couldn’t write earlier this week. Perhaps it was too real, or too surreal. But while I will keep trying to process it, undoubtedly, my real object here I think should be to just live it out. No more questions; decisions that challenge are never wrong because they help you grow as long as you can have time to reflect upon and shift within those decisions. I am so excited for life’s very new chapter. It begins now…
New Mexico is a foreign country to someone who has grown bones and brains in the north east. Stretches of desolation that isn’t really when you look close greet you when you descend locust-like onto arid desert and widewidewide spaces—the breadth makes you catch your breath even before the altitude surprise. The colors are warm and dry, like the air; there is more water in the bodies that populate (sparsely) the spaces than in the spaces themselves; nothing seems to have the heart to grow in the thirsty throws besides the stubborn scrub. But this is not the whole story; not by any means; the contours of what seems one dimensional stun the skylines that panorama in a way I have only before imagined but not well. Mountains undulate, waves in a landscape where water is holy and marked by a green that is not taken for granted; they play parroting games with any clouds that decide to linger above in a sea of bluer than blue, challenging these drifters to match their fluid solidity, at sunset with fiery colors in the palette. Spectacular bruises set on phoenix-fire gloriously promise a beautiful new day to rise from ash. Santa Fe’s oasis is what I will run to though when the sky and these giants get too big with open questions that don’t hide in the abstractions and distractions of skyscrapers. Tucked inside the nest of cottonwood trees and creative spirit and cosmopolitan culture infused with perspective and integrity and peace, I think I can find simultaneous solace and inspiration and enough to grow in and on, roots and blossoming boughs. Communities carved out that are truly mine; living and making mistakes on my own.
25 july 2008
friday
santa fe [via albuquerque & minneapolis] to a home now officially temporary
[can you go home again?]
The romance and coincidence and the falling togetherness is not just in pages of storybooks; it had to derive from a reality; I just never knew who’s that reality was until now. It’s all of ours; it’s only in an equal balance of our energy toward believing action and letting go that we can see it; and that it is clearer than clearest “could even begin to be.” The past days of my life have been a constellation too perfectly patterned to have been mere chance and it is only from a bit of suspended distance that I can begin to process their meaning and their beauty, and the significance of what my behavior in relation to the situation has taught me about the nature of that frustratingly terrifying and elusive R.O.L. that Amalia talks about. This is more real than the limits; the risks aren’t risks they are growth in the way I’ve dreamed about and talked about always but never seen, or felt. This is my time, I’ve decided, where’s there’s nothing to loose. I am prepared but not invulnerable; the earth has turned upside down and been shaken to its core into a whole new kaleidoscopic organization of adventure. And I’m scared but at the same time not; disbelieving but confident. This is a chance, to be compelled to expand and challenge and bloom and hurt and laugh and create; all dimensions of me; it is vibrant. I trust myself to know this is what I need right now; but find it storybookish that it’s here that I’m ending up (or being) right now; somewhere not even on my conscious radar, having crept into a flood of anxious despair/floundering/fear…But that’s its beauty: no expectations set up around it to be shattered, as Anam said. Just openness to whatever it will be. Openness to true experience, through and through.
I couldn’t write earlier this week. Perhaps it was too real, or too surreal. But while I will keep trying to process it, undoubtedly, my real object here I think should be to just live it out. No more questions; decisions that challenge are never wrong because they help you grow as long as you can have time to reflect upon and shift within those decisions. I am so excited for life’s very new chapter. It begins now…
New Mexico is a foreign country to someone who has grown bones and brains in the north east. Stretches of desolation that isn’t really when you look close greet you when you descend locust-like onto arid desert and widewidewide spaces—the breadth makes you catch your breath even before the altitude surprise. The colors are warm and dry, like the air; there is more water in the bodies that populate (sparsely) the spaces than in the spaces themselves; nothing seems to have the heart to grow in the thirsty throws besides the stubborn scrub. But this is not the whole story; not by any means; the contours of what seems one dimensional stun the skylines that panorama in a way I have only before imagined but not well. Mountains undulate, waves in a landscape where water is holy and marked by a green that is not taken for granted; they play parroting games with any clouds that decide to linger above in a sea of bluer than blue, challenging these drifters to match their fluid solidity, at sunset with fiery colors in the palette. Spectacular bruises set on phoenix-fire gloriously promise a beautiful new day to rise from ash. Santa Fe’s oasis is what I will run to though when the sky and these giants get too big with open questions that don’t hide in the abstractions and distractions of skyscrapers. Tucked inside the nest of cottonwood trees and creative spirit and cosmopolitan culture infused with perspective and integrity and peace, I think I can find simultaneous solace and inspiration and enough to grow in and on, roots and blossoming boughs. Communities carved out that are truly mine; living and making mistakes on my own.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
soMe gOetHe wIsdoM...
Geothe always reminds me of Mr. Heyder-- back in the Waldorf School of Princeton, we used to mock the fact he used to quote the German poet and philosopher all the time, it seemed, and how he pronounced the name-- long and stretched and slow-- goooooooooooooooethe... but going back retrospectively to revisit some of these poems, I've found so much wisdom in them, even in translation. This particular poem is one that we wrote into our main lesson books during some block in 8th grade, I think. at the time, I definitely didn't "get it"; I'm still not convinced even now, with both a BA and an MA in English-related fields under my belt, that I ever "get" poetry, but all I know about this poem is that it's resonating with me now-- and I intend to take it into this year; we're reading it at the start of each of our faculty meetings this year! I think it applies to teachers and our craft particularly well, but really, it is equally apt for anyone and I hope that all of you find something in it to take with you into whatever new adventure on which you are embarking, into whatever change you are making...
I have come to the frightening conclusion
that I am the decisive element.
It is my personal approach
that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood
that makes the weather.
I possess tremendous power
to make life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture
or an instrument of inspiration;
I can humiliate or humor,
hurt or heal.
In all situations,
it is my response that decides
whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated,
and a person is humanized or de-humanized.
If we treat people as they are
we make them worse.
If we treat people as they ought to be,
we help them become
what they are capable of becoming.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832
Each of us is powerful [our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond belief]. &
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have come to the frightening conclusion
that I am the decisive element.
It is my personal approach
that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood
that makes the weather.
I possess tremendous power
to make life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture
or an instrument of inspiration;
I can humiliate or humor,
hurt or heal.
In all situations,
it is my response that decides
whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated,
and a person is humanized or de-humanized.
If we treat people as they are
we make them worse.
If we treat people as they ought to be,
we help them become
what they are capable of becoming.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832
Each of us is powerful [our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond belief]. &
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
qUicK upDatE...
hello to all and any who may be checking in on me here~
i am currently prepping for school, which begins next wednesday-- reading up on curriculum material, etc. but also figuring the last logistics of my move, including vehicle registration! wooohoo-- what a joy! in any event, there has been little about which to update you all on in relation to my teaching as i obviously haven't started yet BUT i will begin posting again once it all begins! looking forward to sharing it all with you!
i am currently prepping for school, which begins next wednesday-- reading up on curriculum material, etc. but also figuring the last logistics of my move, including vehicle registration! wooohoo-- what a joy! in any event, there has been little about which to update you all on in relation to my teaching as i obviously haven't started yet BUT i will begin posting again once it all begins! looking forward to sharing it all with you!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
the LiFe sense-- and eleven others...
For the past three days, I've been attending lectures by Christof Wiechert, a pretty big name in the Anthroposophical world of Waldorf Education. He's from Hollandm not Germany, but that doesn't stop me from drawing comparisons and seeing parallels between him and my own grade school Waldorf class teacher, Mr. Ekkehard Heyder. The echoes, literally in the sense of his vocal and verbal qualities and quirks, but also in his mannerisms, even in his age and physical appearance are sometimes a bit uncanny and I've often found myself in these past days thrown back into the classrooms of my childhood, the universe of which this monumental man was the center. For those of you who didn't know Mr. Heyder, I'm posting a link here to a multi-part tribute article in my old school's newsletter-- he passed away this past year and the piece contains some snapshots, photographic and otherwise, that paint a portrait of this educator who so embodied many of the greatest principles of Waldorf and who had such an influence on me and upon an enormous constellation of others. Definitely take a look!
http://www.princetonwaldorf.org/wh/wh_2008-2009small.pdf
Mr. Heyder certainly wasn't flawless,. In fact there was a dark moment in my 7th grade year during which he was brought to court for a questionable "crime"and nearly lost his job; those of you in my Teaching of Writing class with Erick Gordon might remember my multi-genre project in which I took a look back at this experience and the inconsistencies I'd identified between the WALK and TALK of my own Waldorf community. However, I think he still stands as an example, at least he is to me, of Waldorf's potential certainly, but more generally speaking, of education set free of conventions and standards and over-intellectualization and coddling and *; of an education that challenges kids, but always through an understanding and appreciation of their development, both as humans of a particular age but also as individuals. Most importantly, he brought joy and wonder and ferocity and the deepest commitment to his own work as an example for us-- he was true to himself, for better or worse and in spite of whatever anyone else might wish him to be.
I know that this is rambling, and those of your in particular who have no idea who this man is, beyond the above article, probably are yawning by now if you're still reading. But I have a point. TODAY in Wiechert's lecture, this man who so very much reminds me of Mr. Heyder spoke at length about "The 12 Senses" and their relationship to education. Okay. I too was a bit taken aback by this number-- when did FIVE familiar senses, and perhaps that SIXTH, more mysterious, Hayley Joel Osment one, turn into TWELVE? He made a good case though, putting twelve senses into three categories:
Lower Senses: Touch, Balance, Movement, Life
Feeling Senses: Sight, Smell, Taste, Warmth
Cognitive Senses: Hearing, Speech, Thought, Ego (Empathy, really)
You can look into Rudolf Steiner's 8th Faculty Lecture if you want a better, more in depth explanation than what I'm going to partially offer here but essentially, th emain points that I took away from my lecture today were the following:
1. That our "lower" senses are absolutely ESSENTIAL to healthy development. They are the foundation upon which we build everything else; and when they are NOT developed, all kinds of developmental and social and adacemic issues arise. According to Wiechert, and I think I generally agree with this, today there is a true deprivation in the lives of kids of the development of the lower senses-- blame whomever you want-- the media (;)), hyper-attentive and over-involved parents, whatever. The point is that kids don't PLAY FREELY enough as kids; they're really not free to be kids at all. They don't explore the world without always being under the watchful eye of some authority figure or as part of some organized activity. Everything is scheduled and structured in the middle and upper-middle class world, and on the other end of the spectrum, often children are left to be babysat by tools that don't require any real engagement with the world and therefore don't stimulate their sense of AWAKENESS to it. Kids, everyone, needs to cultivate a sense of LIFE in particular, a true sensory understanding of what LIVING is! This happens in moments of risk, of adventure, of discovery, of EXHILARATION. Here also, the essential quality of a DESIRE FOR LEARNING lives. Naturally, kids WANT to learn; it's simply that they need the freedom, the TRUE freedom, to do so, early on and continuously. Hell, we find ourselves as adults needing it! How many of us really FEEL life every day? Not many people I know, but I know at least that I had the experience when I was growing up of getting to explore and spend time in spaces (the woods, forts in my basement, etc.) outside of the grown-up world, outside of time (think about any example from classic or contemporary children's lit-- there is ALWAYS a removed world for kids only i.e. Neverland, The Egypt Game, The Secret Garden, Harriet the Spy)-- in which I took all kids of risks that I'm sure would make my mother, or any parent scream in terror for my life but which were indispensible in my growing into an understanding of the world around me and my place in it--AS WELL AS excitement and curiosity! What more is there that is more important?
A lot of parents, educators, and certainly the educational systems and poilicy makers seem to believe that these "lower" faculties don't need to be developed, that they just sort of unfold or something naturally and that it is the task of education, as early as possible now, to start developing the COGNITIVE senses alone; however, Mr. Wiechert presented some research today that proved otherwise; most concrete, and most interesting to me, was that the underdevelopment of the sense of touch actually leads to issues in language aquisition and usage later on down the road. The two are linked, and the second DEPENDS on the initial development of the first. We have to honor that in educational contexts. Period.
2. That particular temperaments have tendencies toward specific "lower" senses and these need to be developed specially in order to cultivate their corresponding "cognitive" senses. Here are the groupings-- see if you can see yourself, or those close to you:
Phlegmatics: TOUCH --> (if cultivated/developed in a healthy way)--> EGO/empathy for others
Melancholics: LIFE SENSE-->THOUGHT
Sanguines: MOVEMENT-->SPEECH
Choleric: BALANCE-->HEARING
So these in some ways seem a little counterintuitive; I think I know which two temperaments I dominantly embody, though, and their characterizations do after some thought make sense. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT I'VE BEEN DUBBED? :)
Just sharing the food for thought on which I've been chewing today...Weichert would argue, as I'm sure Mr. Heyder would-- through action rather than verbal articulation-- that attention to these dynamics should be an integral part of education in practice. Logical, I'd say, as we're HUMAN, not robots. BUT THEN THERE'S THIS PROBLEM which leads me into my first dip into one of my greatest issues with Waldorf:
What upsets me most is that there are schools like Banana Kelly in the South Bronx (where I did some of my student teaching) and the high school in Helena, AK where my boyfriend's brilliant sister is teaching 9th Grade English-- and then there's this removed sphere, separate and pseudo-ethereal. I value the theories, the methods, the conviction with which Waldorf's practitioners work toward its goals and know that the schools mentioned above could certainly benefit from the integration of some of these elements, as well as an actively practiced understanding of the temperaments/developmental qualities discussed in the earlier section. BUT the whole thing's still too ELITIST, too disconnected from the educational and general social reality of the wider world. How can children know themselves in the world if they aren't really a part of that world? Further, I worry that the well-meaning Waldorf teachers have not had, for the most part, much exposure to or training in mainstream education either... The gap, socio-economic as well as ideological, is only widening.
I'm excited to learn and to practice the skills that are being upheld here-- it's a gorgeous and brave thing, really. After my first "Spatial Dynamics" class today (as a student!) I'm so curious to investigate the intersection between academic learning and movement too! I am lucky...And then maybe, I can teach some of the exercises to Jen G. and Annie C. so the students of both the Bronx and the Mississippi River Delta can develop ALL TWELVE OF THEIR SENSES!
Until tomorrow.
http://www.princetonwaldorf.org/wh/wh_2008-2009small.pdf
Mr. Heyder certainly wasn't flawless,. In fact there was a dark moment in my 7th grade year during which he was brought to court for a questionable "crime"and nearly lost his job; those of you in my Teaching of Writing class with Erick Gordon might remember my multi-genre project in which I took a look back at this experience and the inconsistencies I'd identified between the WALK and TALK of my own Waldorf community. However, I think he still stands as an example, at least he is to me, of Waldorf's potential certainly, but more generally speaking, of education set free of conventions and standards and over-intellectualization and coddling and *; of an education that challenges kids, but always through an understanding and appreciation of their development, both as humans of a particular age but also as individuals. Most importantly, he brought joy and wonder and ferocity and the deepest commitment to his own work as an example for us-- he was true to himself, for better or worse and in spite of whatever anyone else might wish him to be.
I know that this is rambling, and those of your in particular who have no idea who this man is, beyond the above article, probably are yawning by now if you're still reading. But I have a point. TODAY in Wiechert's lecture, this man who so very much reminds me of Mr. Heyder spoke at length about "The 12 Senses" and their relationship to education. Okay. I too was a bit taken aback by this number-- when did FIVE familiar senses, and perhaps that SIXTH, more mysterious, Hayley Joel Osment one, turn into TWELVE? He made a good case though, putting twelve senses into three categories:
Lower Senses: Touch, Balance, Movement, Life
Feeling Senses: Sight, Smell, Taste, Warmth
Cognitive Senses: Hearing, Speech, Thought, Ego (Empathy, really)
You can look into Rudolf Steiner's 8th Faculty Lecture if you want a better, more in depth explanation than what I'm going to partially offer here but essentially, th emain points that I took away from my lecture today were the following:
1. That our "lower" senses are absolutely ESSENTIAL to healthy development. They are the foundation upon which we build everything else; and when they are NOT developed, all kinds of developmental and social and adacemic issues arise. According to Wiechert, and I think I generally agree with this, today there is a true deprivation in the lives of kids of the development of the lower senses-- blame whomever you want-- the media (;)), hyper-attentive and over-involved parents, whatever. The point is that kids don't PLAY FREELY enough as kids; they're really not free to be kids at all. They don't explore the world without always being under the watchful eye of some authority figure or as part of some organized activity. Everything is scheduled and structured in the middle and upper-middle class world, and on the other end of the spectrum, often children are left to be babysat by tools that don't require any real engagement with the world and therefore don't stimulate their sense of AWAKENESS to it. Kids, everyone, needs to cultivate a sense of LIFE in particular, a true sensory understanding of what LIVING is! This happens in moments of risk, of adventure, of discovery, of EXHILARATION. Here also, the essential quality of a DESIRE FOR LEARNING lives. Naturally, kids WANT to learn; it's simply that they need the freedom, the TRUE freedom, to do so, early on and continuously. Hell, we find ourselves as adults needing it! How many of us really FEEL life every day? Not many people I know, but I know at least that I had the experience when I was growing up of getting to explore and spend time in spaces (the woods, forts in my basement, etc.) outside of the grown-up world, outside of time (think about any example from classic or contemporary children's lit-- there is ALWAYS a removed world for kids only i.e. Neverland, The Egypt Game, The Secret Garden, Harriet the Spy)-- in which I took all kids of risks that I'm sure would make my mother, or any parent scream in terror for my life but which were indispensible in my growing into an understanding of the world around me and my place in it--AS WELL AS excitement and curiosity! What more is there that is more important?
A lot of parents, educators, and certainly the educational systems and poilicy makers seem to believe that these "lower" faculties don't need to be developed, that they just sort of unfold or something naturally and that it is the task of education, as early as possible now, to start developing the COGNITIVE senses alone; however, Mr. Wiechert presented some research today that proved otherwise; most concrete, and most interesting to me, was that the underdevelopment of the sense of touch actually leads to issues in language aquisition and usage later on down the road. The two are linked, and the second DEPENDS on the initial development of the first. We have to honor that in educational contexts. Period.
2. That particular temperaments have tendencies toward specific "lower" senses and these need to be developed specially in order to cultivate their corresponding "cognitive" senses. Here are the groupings-- see if you can see yourself, or those close to you:
Phlegmatics: TOUCH --> (if cultivated/developed in a healthy way)--> EGO/empathy for others
Melancholics: LIFE SENSE-->THOUGHT
Sanguines: MOVEMENT-->SPEECH
Choleric: BALANCE-->HEARING
Quick Temperament Guide--> From Wikipedia
Sanguine
A person who is sanguine is generally light-hearted, funloving, a people person, loves to entertain, spontaneous, leader abilities, and confident. However they can be arrogant, cocky, and indulgent. He/She can be day-dreamy and off-task to the point of not accomplishing anything and can be impulsive, possibly acting on whims in an unpredictable fashion. The humour of Sanguine was once commonly treated with leeches. The reason it is treated with leeches is based on the process of the blood being sucked out and being able to understand the effect of the process.
Choleric
A person who is choleric is a doer. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics. On the negative side, they are easily angered or bad-tempered.
Melancholic
A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholic disposition. Often very kind and considerate, melancholics can be highly creative – as in poetry and art - but also can become overly pre-occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world, thus becoming depressed. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist, being very particular about what they want and how they want it in some cases. This often results in being unsatisfied with one's own artistic or creative works and always pointing out to themselves what could and should be improved. They are often loners and most times choose to stay alone and reflect.
Phlegmatic
While phlegmatics are generally self-content and kind, their shy personality can often inhibit enthusiasm in others and make themselves lazy and resistant to change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. Like the sanguine personality, the phlegmatic has many friends. However the phlegmatic is more reliable and compassionate; these characteristics typically make the phlegmatic a more dependable friend.
Phlegmatics along with the other 3 temperaments should be looked at not just his psychological statements but in view of physiology and how they would relate to attention deficit disorders, dyslexia
A person who is sanguine is generally light-hearted, funloving, a people person, loves to entertain, spontaneous, leader abilities, and confident. However they can be arrogant, cocky, and indulgent. He/She can be day-dreamy and off-task to the point of not accomplishing anything and can be impulsive, possibly acting on whims in an unpredictable fashion. The humour of Sanguine was once commonly treated with leeches. The reason it is treated with leeches is based on the process of the blood being sucked out and being able to understand the effect of the process.
Choleric
A person who is choleric is a doer. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics. On the negative side, they are easily angered or bad-tempered.
Melancholic
A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholic disposition. Often very kind and considerate, melancholics can be highly creative – as in poetry and art - but also can become overly pre-occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world, thus becoming depressed. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist, being very particular about what they want and how they want it in some cases. This often results in being unsatisfied with one's own artistic or creative works and always pointing out to themselves what could and should be improved. They are often loners and most times choose to stay alone and reflect.
Phlegmatic
While phlegmatics are generally self-content and kind, their shy personality can often inhibit enthusiasm in others and make themselves lazy and resistant to change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. Like the sanguine personality, the phlegmatic has many friends. However the phlegmatic is more reliable and compassionate; these characteristics typically make the phlegmatic a more dependable friend.
Phlegmatics along with the other 3 temperaments should be looked at not just his psychological statements but in view of physiology and how they would relate to attention deficit disorders, dyslexia
So these in some ways seem a little counterintuitive; I think I know which two temperaments I dominantly embody, though, and their characterizations do after some thought make sense. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT I'VE BEEN DUBBED? :)
Just sharing the food for thought on which I've been chewing today...Weichert would argue, as I'm sure Mr. Heyder would-- through action rather than verbal articulation-- that attention to these dynamics should be an integral part of education in practice. Logical, I'd say, as we're HUMAN, not robots. BUT THEN THERE'S THIS PROBLEM which leads me into my first dip into one of my greatest issues with Waldorf:
What upsets me most is that there are schools like Banana Kelly in the South Bronx (where I did some of my student teaching) and the high school in Helena, AK where my boyfriend's brilliant sister is teaching 9th Grade English-- and then there's this removed sphere, separate and pseudo-ethereal. I value the theories, the methods, the conviction with which Waldorf's practitioners work toward its goals and know that the schools mentioned above could certainly benefit from the integration of some of these elements, as well as an actively practiced understanding of the temperaments/developmental qualities discussed in the earlier section. BUT the whole thing's still too ELITIST, too disconnected from the educational and general social reality of the wider world. How can children know themselves in the world if they aren't really a part of that world? Further, I worry that the well-meaning Waldorf teachers have not had, for the most part, much exposure to or training in mainstream education either... The gap, socio-economic as well as ideological, is only widening.
I'm excited to learn and to practice the skills that are being upheld here-- it's a gorgeous and brave thing, really. After my first "Spatial Dynamics" class today (as a student!) I'm so curious to investigate the intersection between academic learning and movement too! I am lucky...And then maybe, I can teach some of the exercises to Jen G. and Annie C. so the students of both the Bronx and the Mississippi River Delta can develop ALL TWELVE OF THEIR SENSES!
Until tomorrow.
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